The Residence

“Welcome to The Residence!”, declaimed Harold Gorman proudly. “You’re making a bold, smart, home-buying choice!”

“Well, with the real estate market the way…”, Yuri began.

“Market, Shmarket!”, Harold cut him off. “The Residence is going to completely change the real estate game! The potential here is virtually limitless!”

Yuri Chernikoff cringed inwardly and hoped it didn’t show on his face. He loathed pushy salespeople, but this felt like his last hope to get a place to live.

“I appreciate that Mr. Gorman, it’s just…”

Improbably, Gorman’s smile got even broader. “Harry! Call me Harry! Mr. Gorman was my father and that’s another story altogether!”

Smiling back much less forcefully, Yuri found himself wondering what it took to maintain that level of enthusiasm.

Harry was talking again.

“So, when you first move in, there will be a number of thing that The Residence won’t support. No Pets. No Smoking. You will only be able to have a couple of types of beer and only Coke products for soft drinks.”

He paused, then asked. “Speaking of drinks, can I offer you anything? Coffee, soft drink, water, something stronger?”

“No thank you.”, Yuri answered. “I’m fine for now.”

“Great! Great!”

Yuri was getting used to everything being exciting to Harold. It was really annoying, but he just had to get through this. He needed this place. He had friends who had been moved into one of the public housing enclaves. He had seen one a week ago and could tell he had been put on Suppressors. It had been like talking to a mannequin in store window. He didn’t want to live out his life like that.

Harry was still talking. “Your food options will also be limited for the first while. We’ve got the licensing in place for a lot of media, so you’ll have access to a huge amount of video, music games and other entertainment. News will be limited to that within The Residence itself. You’ll get used to that quickly enough I’m sure and as more people move in, there will be more in house content all the time.”

He sipped his coffee and continued. “As one of the first to move into The Residence, you will be first in line to receive new amenities as they come online. The Residence contains, theatres, music venues, restaurants, coffee shops medical clinics, nature areas where you will be able to spend time surrounded by plants and animals that you haven’t seen outside in years! We’ve spared no expense!”

Yuri tried to remember where he’d heard that phrase before.

“Of course,” continued Harold “It’s all going to seem pretty empty at first until more people get moved in. We’re counting on early adopters like you to serve as welcome ambassadors helping newcomers adjust to life in The Residence!”

Harry paused to take a sip of his coffee. “The most important rule in The Residence is that once you move in, you can’t go out into the city again. That’s just not going to be possible. We want to provide a complete lifestyle experience and that means insulating all our Residents from the misery of the city.”

“In The Residence, you will work, play, live, love and have the freedom to become who you truly are, and do it all free from the poverty, danger, stress and hopelessness of the city outside! The Residence needs pioneers like you!”

“When I initially called, they said payment would be explained during this intake interview.” Yuri paused awkwardly. “I don’t have a job or even a Mincome. Records of my birth parents were lost in an anti-social incident years ago so there’s no proof I’m a citizen. I can’t really pay for any of this.”

“We already knew all that!”, Gorman said with a not unkind chuckle. “Doesn’t matter at all! Like I said before, once you move into The Residence you can’t go back out to the city. Even if you had a job, you’d never work there again. Once you move in, you’ll work for The Residence! We have all sorts of contracts outside so we are going to need a ton of workers, and you will be one of the first. Basically, we negotiate a period of indenture that you would work to pay for your Residence. When you complete the term, you live out the rest of your days in peaceful leisure.”

The over-sized smile contrived to look conspiratorial rather than predatory, like he was going to impart a great secret or show you how to run a confidence game.

“Don’t worry, it’s not like slave labour. You’ll work a regular shift, then your downtime is yours to do what you want… within the limits I’ve already mentioned. But don’t worry too much about those limits. They are temporary and they have a real benefit in the long run. If you move in now, those limits will figure into your employment contract and will shave a fair bit of time off your indenture! Pioneering a new reality has its perks!”

Yuri already knew what he was going to do, but in his whole life, he had never been less sure something was a good idea.

“Would it be possible to get that drink you mentioned? Maybe a rum and Coke?”

“That depends on you Yuri!” Harry leaned forward and put a hand on Chernikoff’s shoulder. “If you’re ready to pull the trigger on this opportunity, we need to sign you up first. For legal reasons, you can’t be under the influence of alcohol or other drugs when you sign. Once that’s out of the way, I’ll get you anything you want… subject to current licensing of course.”

Yuri looked around the office they were in. Amazed again by the finishes, the lighting the ring around the inside of Harry’s coffee cup. If he hadn’t known better, he would have sworn he was sitting in a real office.

“This is what The Residence is going to be like?”, he asked.

“Not at all!”, enthused his virtual salesman. “The Residence is lot nicer than this! You’re going to be blown away when you get the full bandwidth experience! Blown Away!”

Harold ‘Harry’ Gorman digital frontman tapped the top of his desk and a screen appeared displaying a legal document. “Given your early entry to The Residence, lack of a criminal background, apparent skillset based off your employment aptitude tests, public health records, and all other factors, your indenture term would be fifteen years. If you agree, place your thumb in the box at the bottom of the screen!”

Yuri was thirty-seven. Fifteen years would make him fifty-two when he finished his term. 

“It still leaves you quite a few years to enjoy yourself, and as we add new and better data centers there will be more opportunities for that enjoyment as we go!” 

Seeing Yuri place his thumb on the screen, Harold crossed to the bar and mixed a rum and Coke. Returning to the low desk, he placed the drink in front of his client.

“Enjoy my friend! You’ll sleep on the cot in the room where you got set up today. Tomorrow, you’ll get fitted with life support and we’ll wire you into The Residence. Then it’s time to start your new life!”

“Welcome to The Residence Yuri!”

The opportunity to tell me what you think is “virtually unlimited”!

Cheers,