Category: Demon’s In My Mind

NaPoWriMo Day 27

On By WinstonIn Creativity, Demon's In My Mind, Humor, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Perseverence, Personal, Poetry, Putting yourself out there, Sorry for the ChaosLeave a comment

I’ve had a long day, so I’m going to keep this short today. The following rhyme is what happens when I write when I’m so tired I’m literally dozing off while typing. Enjoy!

Stream of Unconciousness

I’m far too tired to make words work,

Or bend them to my will,

My day’s been long and my fatigue,

Robs me of any skill.

I wish I could do better than,

Dredge up this hackneyed line,

I’m certain in tomorrow’s light,

I’ll wish this were not mine.

The words they shove and jostle so,

Corralling them so hard,

When every neuron feels like,

It’s packed in thick, cold lard.

I fight through the molasses in,

The space between my ears,

Where every word I try to write,

Seems fit only for jeers.

How long I wonder “til the end,

When my eyes close at last,

And all the words fade out to black,

With this day in the past.

But that is then, this is still now,

Must somehow carry on,

Keep putting words down on the page,

Despite all sense long gone.

But sense is not something I have,

In excess anyway,

So likely no one else will see,

Nonsense in what I say.

Thank you for taking time to read,

What my dulled mind has writ,

If you were waiting for some point,

I fear this was not it.

The point is this to never write,

When your poor brain is toast,

But if you do, for Heaven’s sake,

Don’t share in public post.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 14

On By WinstonIn Bullying Yourself, Demon's In My Mind, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health is Health, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness, Sorry for the ChaosLeave a comment

I have suffered all my life from anxiety, stress and anger issues. Over time, I’ve learned to manage them or at least to sort of cope with them. With one thing and another, not so much lately. Today’s post is about those issues and what it’s like living with them from my side.

My Curse in Verse

I would not say I’ve bottomed out,

Just going down quite fast,

Tried so hard staying positive,

That tank’s run dry at last.

No this is not a plea for you,

To help me make it through,

‘Cause honestly there’s bugger all,

That anyone can do.

It’s just how my brain handles things,

Or doesn’t handle life,

It takes the ordinary and,

Creates chaos and strife.

Then my anxiety will spike,

My stress climbs off the chart,

And then the anger, then the guilt,

Then darkness wraps my heart.

Within my head I understand,

All the good things you’d say,

But the blackness in my heart says,

They’re not true anyway.

And there’s the rub, the crux of it,

The fact is it’s all me.

No matter what you say or do,

Sometimes it’s how I’ll be.

I cannot stand this side of me,

And that just makes it worse,

Self-loathing just like gas on flames,

To turbo-charge this curse.

But don’t feel bad that’s not the point,

Of writing out each line,

Just understand ‘til my mask cracks,

I’ll seem completely fine.

Then suddenly out of the blue,

The anger just appears,

All my defenses overwhelmed,

By my unspoken fears.

And then some thing, some tiny straw,

Will break that camel’s back,

My demons locked within set free,

My mind to now attack.

If you see rage and sorrow where,

A smile ought to be,

I promise it would make no sense,

To anyone but me.

Just know it’s me, it’s always me,

Not anything you do,

Wish when my demons torment me,

They didn’t torment you.

Ah, now they’ve wandered off again,

Must be their poker night,

I’ll take the peace and quiet and,

Try to get my head right.

Cheers,