Category: My Chaotic Mind

NaPoWriMo Day 27

On By WinstonIn Creativity, Demon's In My Mind, Humor, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Perseverence, Personal, Poetry, Putting yourself out there, Sorry for the ChaosLeave a comment

I’ve had a long day, so I’m going to keep this short today. The following rhyme is what happens when I write when I’m so tired I’m literally dozing off while typing. Enjoy!

Stream of Unconciousness

I’m far too tired to make words work,

Or bend them to my will,

My day’s been long and my fatigue,

Robs me of any skill.

I wish I could do better than,

Dredge up this hackneyed line,

I’m certain in tomorrow’s light,

I’ll wish this were not mine.

The words they shove and jostle so,

Corralling them so hard,

When every neuron feels like,

It’s packed in thick, cold lard.

I fight through the molasses in,

The space between my ears,

Where every word I try to write,

Seems fit only for jeers.

How long I wonder “til the end,

When my eyes close at last,

And all the words fade out to black,

With this day in the past.

But that is then, this is still now,

Must somehow carry on,

Keep putting words down on the page,

Despite all sense long gone.

But sense is not something I have,

In excess anyway,

So likely no one else will see,

Nonsense in what I say.

Thank you for taking time to read,

What my dulled mind has writ,

If you were waiting for some point,

I fear this was not it.

The point is this to never write,

When your poor brain is toast,

But if you do, for Heaven’s sake,

Don’t share in public post.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 25

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, Humor, Mental Health, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Poetry, Rants, Society, stress, Stress ReliefLeave a comment

I was talking with a friend about the issue I’m having with the person from yesterday’s poem. He philosophically observed, “You can’t fix stupid.” This is commonly accepted wisdom, but it got me thinking. This poem came from that. Enjoy!

You Can’t Fix Stupid

“You can’t fix stupid.” so they say,

I tell you that’s not true,

You only need a hammer and,

A spare decade or two.

Some good “percussive maintenance” can,

Repair most anything,

When it comes to stupid though,

You’ll need a hefty swing.

No gentle tap or firmer rap,

Is going to meet your aim,

A solid thump or ten I hear,

Will surely change their game.

That’s why you need the twenty years,

Most just won’t understand,

That is the price that you must pay,

When anger guides your hand.

Just go and play some violent game,

Or watch John Wick again,

To safely vent your anger and,

Clear stupid from your brain.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 19

On By WinstonIn Dark / Gothic, Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian Poetry, Macabre, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Old Gods and Magic Folk, Poetry, The Old WaysLeave a comment

Another literary world of which I am a fan is that created primarily by H.P. Lovecraft and a number of his contemporaries. Commonly known as the Cthulu Mythos, it began in 1919 and continues to be added to in literature and film to this day. Here is my offering to the Great Old Ones. Enjoy

My Last Free Will

Great ancient ones from far beyond,

This world that we know,

They call to me and will not stop,

As slowly mad I go.

They seek the key. Am I a key?

Is that a thing they said?

Or are the voices only here,

Inside my rotting head?

No wait! The speak again to me,

From this I cannot run,

From this asylum I’ll be freed,

For them I’ll wreak such fun.

I have been locked up here for months,

For things I have not done,

Then when you see my real work,

Know I was not the one.

I can’t! I won’t! I know this is,

Not who I’d truly be,

They’ve twisted, broken, swallowed whole,

The soul inside of me.

Sedate me please and bring more guards,

To stand outside my cell,

If they succeed and I run free,

This place will turn to hell.

It is on chaos that they thrive,

Their food our misery,

They would use me to cut a door,

From their dark void set free.

They show me visions of their dreams,

Of all that I might do,

In my nightmares, I glory there,

Skin flayed and blades pierced through.

They think me lost, bereft of will,

Abandoned to my fate,

That I am just a key they’ve shaped,

To break that eldritch gate.

But I’m still here, I write this note,

How do you know it’s me?

If you’re alive and reading this.

I’m dead they are not free.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 18

On By WinstonIn Courage, Patience and Hope, Humor, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Perseverence, Personal, Poetry, Sorry for the Chaos, writer`s blockLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again when I have no idea what I’m going to write about. As always, I shall deal with this by writing about not knowing what to write about. Enjoy!

A Verse About Nothing To Write About

Each year it seems I hit this point,

I’ve nothing left to say,

Any yet if I’m to meet my goal,

Must say it anyway.

The theme so far’s been personal,

I guess that this is too,

For while this block’s not good for me,

Don’t see it harming you.

Most years I try to play this game,

And thirty poems write,

And every year there comes a point,

I would give up the fight.

Yet I believe if I dig deep,

There’s one more verse in there,

And so, my keyboard clacks along,

Though there are few who care.

And though I struggle, on I forge,

With rambling rhymes I strain,

To once again wade through the swamp,

Of my fermenting brain.

I’ll hit that point, but not today,

My well of words run dry,

In that moment I’ll pack it in,

Keep typing now just try.

I cannot promise quality,

These words barely connect,

A deeper, moving meaning is,

Just too much to expect.

But look at this I’ve pulled it off,

Now one more verse is done,

Tomorrow is another day,

To write another one.

But for today, I’ve managed this,

Have earned a bit of peace,

Now time to seek my pillow and,

Oblivion’s release.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 14

On By WinstonIn Bullying Yourself, Demon's In My Mind, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health is Health, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness, Sorry for the ChaosLeave a comment

I have suffered all my life from anxiety, stress and anger issues. Over time, I’ve learned to manage them or at least to sort of cope with them. With one thing and another, not so much lately. Today’s post is about those issues and what it’s like living with them from my side.

My Curse in Verse

I would not say I’ve bottomed out,

Just going down quite fast,

Tried so hard staying positive,

That tank’s run dry at last.

No this is not a plea for you,

To help me make it through,

‘Cause honestly there’s bugger all,

That anyone can do.

It’s just how my brain handles things,

Or doesn’t handle life,

It takes the ordinary and,

Creates chaos and strife.

Then my anxiety will spike,

My stress climbs off the chart,

And then the anger, then the guilt,

Then darkness wraps my heart.

Within my head I understand,

All the good things you’d say,

But the blackness in my heart says,

They’re not true anyway.

And there’s the rub, the crux of it,

The fact is it’s all me.

No matter what you say or do,

Sometimes it’s how I’ll be.

I cannot stand this side of me,

And that just makes it worse,

Self-loathing just like gas on flames,

To turbo-charge this curse.

But don’t feel bad that’s not the point,

Of writing out each line,

Just understand ‘til my mask cracks,

I’ll seem completely fine.

Then suddenly out of the blue,

The anger just appears,

All my defenses overwhelmed,

By my unspoken fears.

And then some thing, some tiny straw,

Will break that camel’s back,

My demons locked within set free,

My mind to now attack.

If you see rage and sorrow where,

A smile ought to be,

I promise it would make no sense,

To anyone but me.

Just know it’s me, it’s always me,

Not anything you do,

Wish when my demons torment me,

They didn’t torment you.

Ah, now they’ve wandered off again,

Must be their poker night,

I’ll take the peace and quiet and,

Try to get my head right.

Cheers,