It seems like it was only eleven short months ago that I wrapped up my last verse of the year. Now here we are again. Softly, gently, we find ourselves wrapped in the sweet warmth of the dream, knowing all the time… the nightmare of writer’s block lurks somewhere up ahead. But that is a problem for another day. Without further delay my season opener.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Continue reading “NaPoWriMo 2022 Day 1”So yesterday ended as a bit of a disaster. I got it sorted out in the end, but by then it was too late to write this because I had to work today. Long story short, here’s yesterday’s poem. It’s all about not being nastier to yourself than you are to others.
Be As Kind To You
Sometimes in life I make mistakes,
That anyone may make.
I drop something, forget something,
A plate or glass I break.
If someone else did just the same,
I’d understand, forgive.
But when it’s me, I start to rage,
Surprised I let me live.
I use such names, say hurtful things,
I’d never say to you.
I’ve done this for so many years,
Inside believe they’re true.
But here’s the thing, I know they’re not,
Yet in that angry heat.
I grab those nasty, jagged chains,
With them, my soul, I beat.
I know so many do the same,
It’s no more true I swear.
We all have chains to beat ourselves,
They’re always waiting there.
So here’s a tip, I try to live,
Though often yet I fail.
Don’t beat yourself, there’s others who,
Would gladly wield that flail.
We all are human and must learn,
To value who we are.
Accept our faults not pick at them,
Pick at them ’til they scar.
Now please be kinder to yourself,
Kind as you’d be to me.
Speak to yourself as to your love,
Try for yourself and see.
I’ve listened to the voices in,
My head and now I know.
I’d not speak thus to those I love.
Why do I hate me so?
Speak gentler words that build you up,
Alone within your mind.
Don’t punish but forgive yourself,
To your own self be kind.
Cheers, Winston
I struggle a lot with getting overwhelmed by the things I have to do. Then I don’t do them. Then I get more overwhelmed. Then I don’t do them… I think you see how that works. Well, I’ve been working at changing that. This poem kind of articulates that struggle for me.
The Way Forward
Sometimes the things we plan to do,
Do not go as we’d hope.
And then we stress and blame ourselves,
Step on that slippery slope.
Now from that stress, depression comes,
To sap our will to try.
It just gets worse the longer we,
Allow time to slip by.
Before you know it’s spiraled down,
So overwhelmed we feel.
And though we tell ourselves it’s not,
Our black despair is real.
But here’s a thing I’ve had to learn,
That’s not a healthy place.
If you give in, if you get stuck,
Believe you’re a disgrace.
You can get stuck, see no way out,
But that’s not true I swear.
You can get free, can break those chains,
Find your way back from there.
Like any trip, it’s that first step,
The bravest thing you do.
Once that thing’s done, take the next step,
And then another too.
There will be times it will be hard,
You take no step that day.
And maybe two or three go by,
You think you’ve lost your way.
But you aren’t beat so don’t despair,
Can’t lose until you quit.
So give yourself permission to,
Fail. Make your peace with it.
But from that setback rise back up,
Push on despite the pain.
For even just the smallest step,
Is still some kind of gain.
So understand you will despair,
But you don’t have to dwell.
For each step’s one step closer to,
Escaping from your hell.
Cheers, Winston
Sir Winston Churchill, for whom I was named, once famously said, “When you’re going through Hell, keep going.” It seems to apply here.
For many years, I allowed my past (or at least my perception of it) to dictate how I saw myself. Over time, I’ve revised that narrative. I’m working on becoming a synthesis of who I believe I was and who I believe I can be. Today’s poem looks at the importance of acknowledging the past but living in the now and choosing who we want to be rather than who we were told we are.
The Past Need Not Define
I sing the songs of long ago,
Forgotten all these years.
And as I sing my mind drifts back,
My eyes fill up with tears.
Where did they go the days and years?
Were they as I recall?
Were they so carefree and sublime?
Have I rewritten all?
The mem’ry of a summer day,
So sweet my heart will ache.
A certain smell and then a trip,
Down mem’ry lane I take.
But are those mem’ries really real,
Or something we create?
Do we just cling to what we need,
No matter love or hate?
If it can justify the things,
Which we think us define.
Then we will find just what we need,
And take it as a sign.
I do not think it matters much,
How accurate and true.
Each person’s mem’ries are their own,
So yours are true for you.
But do not let your mem’ries make,
A trap, ensnare your soul.
Remember now is where you live,
Don’t stay down in that hole.
Take comfort where there’s comfort found,
Learn lessons that you find.
Make peace, find peace, within your past,
To free today, your mind.
Cheers, Winston
Over two-thirds of the way through the month and it’s getting a little more challenging. But with a suggestion from my personal muse, angel and wife, here we are.
The Challenge
I hate it when I must work with,
Deadlines of any kind.
The very thought I might miss them.
Sets traps within my mind.
So every year I sit and face,
This challenge and my fears.
When every day a deadline looms,
Each day closer to tears.
There is no prize if I succeed,
Nor penalty if not.
It’s in my head the whole of it,
That’s where the battle’s fought.
I set the goal, I set the pace,
It all is up to me.
I am much harsher on my self,
Than someone else would be.
I love to write, I truly do,
But now it is a chore.
One that I do but grudgingly,
While thinking “Nevermore!”.
But I won’t quit, will stay the course,
Deliver on my vow.
There’s just nine days that now remain,
I’ll get through them somehow.
So bear with me, I’ll bear with you,
Until this task is done.
And once this month is over then,
Words once more will seem fun.
Cheers, Winston
With all the people I see complaining about “cancel culture”, snowflakes, and people being offended, I wanted to share the following.
You Don’t Know
You don’t know what I have been through,
Nor truly anyone.
Perhaps you think you speak in jest,
Are only having fun.
But words cut deep and deeper still,
Their wounds may never heal.
Your words you think are but a joke,
Cause pain that’s truly real.
You’re free to speak say what you wish,
Just don’t hurt anyone.
Sure in the past was not the case,
Thank God those days are done.
When someone says your words cause harm,
You laugh and say they’re weak.
Their courage shows as they speak out,
You wish they would stay meek.
When someone says offensive things,
They have earned my offense.
Then they’re offended by this truth,
They lack all common sense.
If you can’t find something to say,
That will not hurt someone.
Well then perhaps the very best,
Things you can say are none.
Cheers, Winston
Clearly, I didn’t make my goal of 30 poems in 30 days. Life happens. I still intend to deliver the last three as my writer’s block permits. Persuant to which…
On Not Finishing NaPoWriMo
The words all bleed and blend and blur,
Like sidewalk chalk in rain.
I shriek and moan inside my head,
Gone half-mad with the strain.
I try to force, somehow coerce,
Bend language to my will.
Although it’s worked so many times,
It seems I’ve lost that skill.
But wait! What’s this? A line or two,
And now a couple more.
Don’t dare to hope, just let them be,
Perhaps they’ll flow once more.
But now again I feel them slip,
In muddy, flailing haste.
I try to grasp and desperate cling,
To these poor words I’ve chased.
My voice fades out to nothingness,
And with it all I’ve made.
The ragged, tattered pages shred,
And now like them I fade.
Please bear with me, I’ll be right back,
My tortured brain must rest.
T’was hubris drove me here for I’m,
Not equal to this test.
Cheers, Winston
I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night so figuring out today’s poem took a little more brain than usual. Turns out, lack of sleep can be its own reward… or at least its own inspiration… I think reward may be a little strong. Enjoy!
On Lack of Sleep
Come sleep, long sleep, deep sleep, blessed.
Please sleep, more sleep, must sleep, rest.
No more restless longing nights.
Filled with tossing, turning fights.
Long sleep, deep sleep, sleep at last.
I pray sleepless nights are past.
Staring at my ceiling still.
Cannot sleep and doubt I will.
Dawn gleams on my window pane.
Time to rise and shine again.
No sleep, don’t sleep, can’t sleep now.
Stay awake and work somehow.
Home and pray for sleep once more.
Sandman visit at my door.
Cheers, Winston
Once again, life has conspired to delay a post. I’m still in the fight, but some days it’s lions 47, gladiators 0. Yesterday was one of those days.
On Being a Night-Owl
Bright and blessed the day may be,
But sacred is the night.
Life’s labours done beneath the sun,
But sacred is the night.
When work is done and darkness falls,
‘Tis then we truly pray.
At end of day, in darkness wrapped,
‘Tis then we truly pray.
We run all day, our brains a-whirl,
Our refuge is the night.
All rush, all work, no time to pause,
Our refuge is the night.
Our minds and bodies seek the sun,
But souls embrace the dark.
We rush through days of light and sound,
But souls embrace the dark.
We live our lives beneath the sun,
But sacred is the night.
We sing the praises of the day,
But sacred is the night.
So still your mind and still your voice,
Embrace night’s velvet peace.
Now rest your soul in dark stillness,
Embrace night’s velvet peace.
Cheers, Winston
For the record I do have heart disease, diabetes and a few other health issues. I’ve bought and paid cash money for every one. Winston made poor choices. Don’t be a Winston.
On Mortality.
A pain, such pain deep in my chest,
I wait for it to pass.
My every breath is careful now,
As though I’m made of glass.
It’s nothing new, I’ve lived through worse,
At times thought I might die.
The pain so bad that when it passed,
I’d just sit there and cry.
There’s some who’d curse and shake their fist,
Demand some reason why.
If I’d pretend I did not know,
Then that would be a lie.
I smoked for years, drank far too much,
And ate just what I’d please.
While other folks might run or bike,
I’d sit and take my ease.
I wish I had a time machine,
To slap that younger me.
To make some better choices then,
What changes might I see!
But I don’t have a time machine,
Can’t change what I have done.
Today the bill is coming due,
For all of my past fun.
Now listen close, before I go,
I’ll share advice for free.
For as you are, so once was I,
As I am you may be.
Start making changes now my friend,
Don’t wait to reach this state.
No time to build that time machine,
The hour grows too late.
Seems I’ll go on, it’s passing now,
Yes now the worst is past.
It’s not the first, it’s not the worst,
I doubt it is the last.
Make better choices than I’ve made,
To give yourself a chance.
In moderation eat and drink,
And don’t forget to dance.
Cheers, Winston
Brain Bits To Go 