NaPoWriMo Day: 20 A Self Improving Life

When I was younger, I used to think that anyone who disagreed with me was wrong. More to the point, I didn’t hesitate to tell them how wrong they were. Usually as hurtful as possible. Not a really pleasant trait. So I decided to change it.

My day 20 NaPoWriMo offering is about that effort.

Enjoy!

My Past, My Path

I traveled far, so very far
As far as far can be.
When I arrived well there I was
I can’t escape from me.

Sometimes I say some awful thing
I instantly abhor.
My vile tongue and wicked mind
Wound innocence once more.

This part of me I cannot stand
Yet cannot put aside.
I bury it, try to deny
Yet from it cannot hide.

I’ve forged these chains with petty words
And every, cruel deed.
Until I change I greatly fear
My soul cannot be freed.

And so I work at bettering
Myself now day by day.
And hope in time that I can learn
To live a better way.

Now try to think before I speak
Think more before I act
Now try to see what others see
To feel how they react.

If I can see through others eyes
See me as I am seen.
Perhaps someday I will learn how
To put away the mean.

Cheers, Winston

NaPoWriMo Day: 12 Take 2 Penguin Dreams

My first poem of the day was a bit heavy and political. This one’s a little lighter and fluffier.

Elsewhere on this blog, I wrote about “The Penguin and the Snake: A Parable About Self – Acceptance”. This is sort of a prequel.

Enjoy!

Penguin Dreams

A penguin sat upon the ice
And stared up at the sky.
He thought how happy he would be
If only he could fly.

He’d never seen a whale up there
Nor hungry, hungry seal.
If he could fly he’d be so pleased
To not be someone’s meal.

Then as he sat and thought some more
A plan began to form.
He’d travel far, he’d travel wide
And maybe somewhere warm.

He’d find someone to teach him how
To fly instead of swim.
So thinking this he fell asleep
A flying dream found him.

He bid farewell to all he knew
Then set out one fine day.
But it would be a long, long time
Before he found his way.

Cheers, Winston

Poetry Challenge: Day 5… The Note

Today’s NaPoWriMo entry is a little different. Before you send me any hotline links, allow me to clarify. The inspiration for this comes from people I’ve known and films such as “The Aviator” wherein you observe the slow, inevitable disintegration of the person. That is what I set out to capture in this piece.

Enjoy.

The Note

There’s a shadow I see moving
From the corner of my eye.
I turn so quick I hurt my neck
Can’t see it if I try.

It isn’t there for very long
Just waits for me to see
Now all my friends think I’ve gone strange
They won’t be seen with me.

More often now it waits for me
Just where I cannot see.
I talk to it and beg sometimes
And people stare at me.

They cannot see don’t understand
I don’t care what they think.
They talk and laugh and place their bets
On just how far I’ll sink.

It’s talking now this shadow thing
From just behind my head.
It’s telling me to see it true
It seems I must be dead.

I know they’ll talk I know they’ll judge
But I no longer fear
The shadow talks much louder now
It’s all that I can hear.

They’ll say “How sad. He must be mad.”
He took his life in vain.
But they don’t see and they can’t hear
Can’t understand my pain.

They give me pills and talk to me
They think they broke the spell.
But it’s too late I see it now
My own and private hell.

So bring the rope and bring the blade
The pills are standing by.
I’ve written this so you can know
I’m free now do not cry.

Cheers, Winston

Poetry Challenge: Day 4 Lycanthrope

NaPoWriMo and the creative well has yet to run dry. Here is the fourth poem of the month. Only twenty six to go! Enjoy.

Lycanthrope

I feel the moon drag at my soul
Just like it pulls the tide.
And when it grows all round and full
It rips my soul aside.

The beast within now free to roam
No conscience or remorse.
I slaughter, rage and hunt and run
And howl myself hoarse.

This is my curse, this is my life
You cannot comprehend.
How truly like a God you feel
With every life you end.

But now the moon has set again
I am once more a man.
I rail against this curse I bear
Again my death I plan.

I try so hard yet cannot take
The one life that I should.
For though I know the beast within
There also is still good.

So hunt me down with silvered shot
Let slip the baying hounds.
If you can lift this curse from me
Lay me in hallowed grounds.

Cheers, Winston

Henry B. Lake Sr. 1929 – 2012

Dear Dad,

I just wanted to drop you a quick note to tell you how lucky I have been to have you in my life. We didn’t always see eye to eye… especially when I was younger. But we eventually worked that out. You mellowed with age and I grew up. It’s amazing what a powerful combination that is. It gave us the ability to be honest without being hurtful.

You weren’t a perfect father, but then I wasn’t a perfect son. It took a while for you to stop being disappointed in me and accept me for who I am. It took me a while to appreciate that your disappointment was about loving me and wanting what you believed was best for me.

Over time, I learned that I could love you without having to be you. I decided when I had a child of my own not to discipline from anger. My daughter was a teen before I raised my voice in anger toward her. I’ve never spanked my child. None of this says you were a bad father, only that I learned from you that wasn’t how I wanted to do things. I never felt abused, you were a product of your time as I am a product of mine.

You taught me a lot about how to live. You taught me about treating others with respect. You encouraged me to think for myself and to defend my opinions. Being who you were helped me learn how to be who I am.

I was fortunate to have you in my life for nearly forty-eight years. Four hundred and eighty wouldn’t have been long enough to say everything I wanted to say to you. Every time I talked to you, we always found something to laugh about. I didn’t call as often as I should have, but I enjoyed it every time I did. I will miss those calls for a long time.

I guess there are just a few more things I want to say to you…..

Thank you. I love you. I will miss you.

Cheers, Winston

Something That Made Me Think

I was watching a presentation about science, magic and quantum mechanics (much more interesting than it sounds), and it gave me  a couple of things to ponder.  He makes the argument that science actually makes the universe more magical, not less so.  Here’s an example.

Any time you look out a window anywhere on the planet, you are looking at something magical.  It doesn’t matter where you are.  That window is framing a view containing more life than the entire known universe.  That is magical.  Think about it for a moment.  If you make a pinhole in a piece of paper and set it on your table, the piece of table you can see through that hole contains more life than the rest of the known universe.

The next time you start thinking your life sucks, remember that your one life is more than there is anywhere else in the known universe.  The simple fact that you have a life is amazing enough.  The most miniscule, inconsequential microbe is infinitely more than we have found anywhere else we have explored.  Your life is exponentially greater than that of a microbe so you are by the simple fact of your existence, a truly magical wonder.

This is the magic of science.  Magic is just another way of explaining the world around us.  If a person from a non-technological society saw an aeroplane, they might easily ascribe it’s ability to fly to magic.  I understand how the shape of a wing creates lift, but that doesn’t undermine my sense of wonder.  Rather I am amazed at the process required for anyone to figure it out.

That to me is where the magic lives.  It lives in that spark of understanding.  That moment when someone looks at something they have seen a hundred times and for the first time see it in a new way.  It is in the intuitive leap.  That moment when we understand something we have never understood before.  That is magic.

Science is just another way of reaching that moment.

That’s something that makes me think.

Cheers, Winston

Occupying Protesters Are Taking The Easy Route

Okay, you’ve finally got me. I can’t take it any more. Our society is caught in a feedback loop and just like the feedback at a live concert, the whining is driving me nuts.

Someone says, “One percent of the population controls most of the money while the other ninety-nine percent struggles.” and a media person likes it so they make a sound bite out of it.  People hear the sound bite and like it so they repeat it.  More media people hear it being said so they  make a story out of it and even more people hear about it.  Next thing you know, you can’t read a paper without hearing it, and you can’t throw a rock without hitting one of the alleged ninety-percent who are out protesting about it.

According to this movement, the super rich elites took all the money and used it to buy all the politicians and the only way to change it is by having these massive protests.  These three points are what I like to call, delusional; accidentally right, but not for the reasons they think and wrong because it’s bloody stupid.  Now that I’ve annoyed a bunch of folks, let me explain.

First off, the super rich didn’t “take” all the money.  We gave it to them, and we continue to do so every day.  They aren’t evil.  We are gullible.  Bill Gates never forced anyone to use Microsoft Windows or Office.  People chose to give Microsoft, and by extension, Mr. Gates lots of money.  Likewise, the late Steve Jobs didn’t wait for people in dark alleys, steal their wallets and replace them with iPhones.  No hedgefund manager ever came to anyone’s door begging them to invest in their funds.  Banks didn’t force mortgages onto people who had no hope in hell of ever paying them off.  People did those things to themselves.  Blaming the super rich is a way of deluding ourselves by taking up our cultural battle cry of, “It’s not my fault!”

The other favorite cause of financial hardship is “Corporate Greed”.  Talk about delusional, blaming that is like blaming the Easter Bunny for childhood obesity.  There’s no such thing people!  Corporations aren’t greedy because they aren’t people.  It’s called anthropomorphism.  It’s our habit of trying to understand things by assigning human traits to them.  “Corporate Greed” is another way of pretending that none of this is “our” fault.  Surprise!  It is all our fault.  Those greedy corporations are actually all about HUMAN greed.  Before you start thinking about agreeing with that, you need to read on.

It’s not just the executives that are greedy.  That’s the easy out again.  Here’s the truth.  It’s damned near every single one of us.  That’s the truth.  Yes, the executives are in a position to get a visibly larger share than those elsewhere in the organization.  Let’s stop kidding ourselves though, they aren’t the only greedy ones.  If the CEO suddenly decides to give a percentage of the profits to whatever random charity you like, how long do you think he’ll keep his job?  The shareholders are just a greedy as the CEO.  What about the rank and file employees?  Do you think they’d take a pay cut if they knew the money was going directly to fight world hunger?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Stop blaming other people.  Stop blaming some imaginary bogeyman.  Accept responsibility for your choices.  We can’t change other people, only ourselves.  If we don’t like our world, it’s up to us to change it.  But it’s almost like the tagline from season one of the TV series “Heroes”, only in this case it’s, “Change yourself.  Change the world!”  Which brings me to my next point.

Do rich and powerful lobbyists use money to influence politics?  Of course they do!  (See, I told you they’re right about that.)  We need to be clear about why they do it though.  No it’s not because they are corrupt, or politicians are weak, or because the New World Order told them to.  Nope.  The reason once again is closer to home.  All those people who whine that the system is broken so there’s no point in participating,  they give carte blanche to the lobbyists and the politicians to work out any deal they like.  The system isn’t going to change itself, it’s up to the voters to do it.  So if you can organize thousands of protesters all over the country, how come you can’t get them to the polls.  It’s votes that put politicians in office. Organize block voting, and you could have a huge impact on who gets into office and who gets out.  But it’s a hell of a lot easier to sit in a tent in the park and blame the super rich and corporate greed.  Which brings me to my last point.

Protesting may raise awareness.  I doubt it, but it might.  Do you really believe that everyone else is so stupid that they won’t realize there’s a problem if you don’t camp in a park?  I recently lost my job because of greedy people making bad decisions.  Do you think I didn’t know that was a bad thing?  The biggest annoyance out of all this is the massive self-righteous arrogance of the protesters.  The idea that they are more aware or enlightened than the rest.  If everyone else understood what they do, we’d all be out there.  Well, not all of us would.  I know I wouldn’t because I understand something they don’t.  The protests won’t work because shortcuts never do.  If you really want to change things, you have to do the heavy lifting just like everyone else.

They’ll find out that taking the easy route almost never takes you where you want to go.  What they should really be occupying are some political activism workshops.  Maybe someone can host a few in a tent in a park.  Have fun with that.

Cheers, Winston

Aimless Wandering

Chester. aka: The Best Dog In The World

It’s eleven p.m and I sit before my keyboard bereft of inspiration.  This is not as uncommon as I might prefer.  Tonight I may actually have an excuse.

You see, last night, I didn’t sleep.  Not at all.  Lately that’s been happening a fair bit.  I lie in bed and toss and turn.  I do breathing exercises to relax.  I count sheep.  I count goats.  I count ibexes.  Then morning comes and I get up and get on with my day.  Within a couple of days, I sleep for six or seven hours to catch it up and all is well.

Today, it was a bit more of an issue.  Today I was getting up early because today we had to close our trailer for the season.  Technically, yesterday was the last day, but hey, who’s perfect.  The amount we pay,  I don’t feel we’re abusing them with one extra day.

Long story short:  No sleep.  Pack up the trailer.  Pack everything into the car.  Put the dog in the car.  Drive home.  Unpack the car.  Rearrange the kitchen cupboard to accommodate all the food from the trailer.  Shave, shower, go to in-laws for belated Thanksgiving Dinner.

So now I’m a little over-tired.  I’m full as a tick.  Finally, I’m actually sleepy.  So, what to write about?  Oh wait, I know.  I’ll write about not being able to decide what to write about.

Maybe a nap first.

Nah.  Just wing it.  Who’s going to notice?

Good point.

So yeah.  We’ve closed our trailer for the season.  It’s always kind of sad.  No more dodging the stuff that needs doing at home.  No more excuses to sit with my feet up and read or watch movies when I know there’s a ton of things I should be doing.  I’ll miss the chipmunks rushing through the autumn leaves.  Those tiny little things make more noise than my dog.  And I don’t have a small dog.

I’ll miss sitting on my deck dozing through the heat of the day under the awning.  Listening to some soft jazz saxophone and letting my mind drift.  Which is what it’s doing now without the heat or the jazz.

I’ve learned that everything is a question of perspective.  In July I had surgery.  That was painful and scary and unpleasant to say the least.  On the other hand, it gave me two and half months at my trailer while I recovered.  Oh and it led me to start this blog to pass the time.

In September, Blockbuster Canada closed it’s doors and I found myself without a job.  That is seriously  not cool and if you want to know more, read some of my earlier posts.  On the other hand, I worked my last shift on the 27th, and got to spend the next week and a half at  my trailer in time for one of the nicest Thanksgiving weekends on the books.

A lot of things are like that.  Kind of a good news/bad news thing.  Or, the way I usually look at things, it’s more of a bad news/good news thing.  I tend to look at the bad news first.  It used to be that’s pretty much where I’d stop looking.  Now I work to see past the bad thing in my face and look for the good things hiding in it’s shadow.  Makes the world a nicer place, and me a nicer person.

Well, I can’t think of anything else to ramble about at the moment.  Except this.  Because I just had Thanksgiving Dinner, I’d like to take a moment to be really thankful for a few things.  I’m thankful for my blood family.  They have always been there for me and have given me the space to be who I wanted to be.  I’m thankful for my extended family and friends because they help to define me.  Take a look at a person’s friends and you can tell a lot about them.  I’m fortunate to have some incredible people in my life.  I’m thankful for my personal family.  For Lynn who sees more in me than I ever will and never stops trying to help me to be the person she believes in.  For Cynthia who at eighteen still sometimes asks me to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.  For Chester who happens to be the best dog in the world and the best friend anyone ever had.

With all the negatives in the world, it’s important for me to remember just how blessed and lucky I really am.  If anyone out there is listening……. I owe you one.

Cheers, Winston.

Summer’s Over, Autumn’s Waning. Loving Each Day, Not Complaining.

I know this picture doesn’t look like, but it’s getting close to the end of the season at my trailer.  I’m going to miss it.  It’s peaceful, quiet and incredibly relaxing.  As you can see, it’s just plain beautiful.  Today was a gorgeous, sunny day.  The first after several days of rain.  So Lynn and I took out our cameras when we walked our dog.

We took our time.  Shot some photos, chatted with our neighbors, and sat in the sun and just enjoyed the day.  It doesn’t get any better than this.

In case anyone is curious I love chipmunks.  I think they are probably the cutest rodents on the planet.  So I try to get pictures of them every chance I get.  Today, Lynn and I lucked out and got some excellent of shots of these two.  Apparently, a mother and a not yet independent offspring.  They were very cute together.  With Lynn’s permission, I will see if I can post a couple of her shots next time.  She got some incredible ones as well.

Did I mention I LOVE chipmunks?  Seeing these two made a great day even better!  Nothing like spending a day with my wife, my dog and beauty of nature.  A perfect day:-)

Cheers, Winston