Category: Self Awareness

What’s the best way to blow off steam when you’re angry?

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self Awareness2 Comments

I know that I have a nasty temper, so I’ve learned to be very careful of how I manage my anger.

At work, I repress it and then vent to my spouse when I get home.  Or I fire up a game console and spend some time on mindless violence.  (Chucking people out the window in “Star Wars: Force Unleashed” is one of my favorites!)

In the home setting, I work to control my temper at the time and then later try to talk out the issue that caused the problem.  At least where my family is concerned.  With inanimate objects that anger me, I tend to swear and rage and then feel guilty about it.

If possible, a long walk is often helpful.  I say all the nasty things I’m thinking far from anyone who might be hurt by them.  Then when I return home, I’m calmer and ready to deal with the issue in a less destructive way.

Hope this helps.

Cheers, Winston

Gaming, Movies, And My Reality

On By WinstonIn Movies, Pop Culture, Self Awareness, Technology, Video GamesLeave a comment

As I mentioned yesterday, I really like Portal 2. I enjoy gaming, watching movies and reading. The commonality? They all take me out of reality for a while.  Not that my reality is even sightly terrible.  In fact, it’s pretty darned awesome.  I’ve got a wonderful wife, a great daughter, and the world’s best dog.  So why would I want out of it for a while?

Even billionaire playboys go on vacation.  It’s not about wanting to escape reality, it’s about keeping it fresh.  Truth be told, most of the time, my wife is sitting on the couch beside me using her laptop to play on Facebook. So even when I’m gaming or watching a movie, ore reading, I’m usually with my wife who will be gaming, watching TV, or reading or whatever.  Neither of us is the type to complain if the other interrupts what we’re doing.  Likewise my daughter and I watch movies or play games together.

We are a connected family.  That’s part of the reality that I love.  Really, when I’m avoiding reality, I’m still in the middle of it.  Sure, sometimes i game when they’re out, or after they’re in bed, but it’s not like I have to wait ’til I’m alone.  It just works out that way.

I love movies.  I LOVE my family.  I love games.  I LOVE my family more.  Likewise reading, listening to music, hanging out with friends etc.  These are all things that most people think of as taking people out of their relationships.  I’ve said it before in other posts, and I’ll no doubt say it again in others:  I’ve got an awesome wife, and I’m incredibly lucky to be part of her world.

I don’t game to avoid reality.  Games, movies, books etc.  are all part of that reality.  Why would I want to avoid that?

Cheers, Winston

Bringing Back The Positive.

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, Personal, Self Awareness, ValuesLeave a comment
Neil Pasricha
Neil Pasricha creator of the blog "1000 Awesome Things", author of "The Book of Awesome" and "The Book of Even More Awesome".

I watched a TED.com talk by Neil Pasricha last night and it started me thinking.  He talked about going through a very dark time in his life.  His marriage ended and a close friend took his own life after a long struggle with mental illness.  As part of the process of moving himself out of that dark place, he started a blog.  He called it 1000 Awesome Things.  It took off so well, that he was offered a book deal and he wrote the Book Of Awesome.  The initial message to this is pretty clear.  If we change our focus, we change our lives.  It’s not that we can prevent bad things from happening.  It is simply about remaining aware that other things, better things are happening.  Often at the very same time.

He also talks about the  “3 As of Awesome”.  They are Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity.  I’m just going to touch on them really briefly, then I’ll get to my point.  I promise.  Unless I get distracted.

First up, we have Attitude.  No, not the Attitude you break out because NO ONE can find their gas pedal if they’re in front of you, but can’t find anything else but the horn when they’re behind you.  This Attitude is more about how you chose to look at the world.  You can choose how you view the world.  You can focus on the negative and dark and miserable, or we can practice seeing the good along with the bad.

Awareness is the second “A”.  If Attitude is choosing how to live, Awareness is about implementing that choice.  It’s developing the habit of noticing the quality of the light before a storm instead of focusing on how far you still have to walk to avoid it.  Seeing the person who gave you a break and let you merge not just the ten who didn’t.  It’s about seeing the everyday “Awesome” in everything.  Even when you think you can’t.  Especially when you think you can’t.

Which brings us to Authenticity.  This is about not being afraid to be who you are.  It’s about celebrating the things that you find awesome without worrying about what others might think.  I love big summer blockbuster movies.  I think Michael Bay is a very talented director.  When I went to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon, it was awesome!  I take a lot of flak for it, but that’s what authenticity is.  Being true to yourself regardless.  Neil has a much better example in his talk which I strongly encourage you to watch here:   http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

Now for the point I promised earlier.  See, I hardly got distracted at all.  After I had watched him and started thinking about how this applied to me, I started thinking about my own blog.  No, not in terms of a book deal, but what my choice of posts says about where i put my focus.  I realized I spend a lot of time on politics, and social ills, and losing my job, and idiots with stupid things written on their cars.  I write a lot of negative stuff, and I don’t have to.  Sure it sucks that I’m losing my job.  On the other hand, it’s Awesome that some of these people that I have been talking to every week for five years tear up when they say goodbye.  It’s awesome to have an eleven year old child shake my hand and thank me for being the only person in any store to treat her like a person.

i only saw the idiot with the stupid saying on his car because my Awesome wife drove over to pick me up from work.  My brother was rushed to hospital with a crack in his aorta.  this is something with a 10% survival rate.  I was terrified he was going to die.  How Awesome is it that on his last visit, his specialist told him he has NEVER seen anyone heal so fast or so well!?  My life is full of these things.  So Awesome, and yet so ordinary I don’t always notice them.  I think it’s time I paid more attention.  It’s time to change my Attitude a little, develop a little more Awareness, but I’m still going to write the other stuff too.  It would lack Authenticity if I didn’t.

Thank you Neil.  You’ve given me the gift of Awesome.

Cheers, Winston

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Empowering Limitations and the Limits of Empowerment.

On By WinstonIn Self Awareness, Society, Values2 Comments

Earlier tonight, I was watching a talk delivered by British MP Rory Stewart about why it’s time to get out of Afghanistan.  That’s not the subject of this post.  It was a phrase in his closing remarks which caught my attention.  Mr. Stewart said, “If we accept that we cannot do all that we pretend, we can do much more than we fear.”

Wow!  That’s such a powerful idea.  If we stop putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves, we have a better chance of achieving the realistic ones.  As long as we remain focused on the big, unattainable goals, it keeps us distracted from the ones we can actually achieve.  What, you may wonder, does this have to do with empowerment?  I’m glad you asked.

We tend to think of empowerment as a removal of limits.  Yet without those limits, we start to believe we can do all we pretend.   That’s the kind of thinking that sets us up for disappointment.  Acknowledging our limits is essential to understanding ourselves.  For someone with a reading disability, pretending they can read isn’t empowering, it just prevents them from getting help.

When we accept our limits, it’s not a surrender, it’s the source of real empowerment.  The reason I refer to this as “real” empowerment is simple. Understanding our limits empowers happiness.  Denying them may seem empowering, but it just sets the stage for future pain.  The problem lies in the perception of limits as negative.  From a cultural perspective, It stems from a misunderstanding of the concept of equality.  Rather than an equality of value, it assumes an equality of ability, or at least potential.

Not everyone has equality of ability or opportunity.  Empowerment encourages happiness by allowing us to set believable goals for ourselves.  Denying limits leads to setting unattainable goals.  Attainable goals lead to happiness.  Unattainable ones lead to disappointment and unhappiness.  By accepting the possibility of failure, we appreciate our success even more.  At the same time, we save ourselves from being crushed by failure.

It’s time for us to empower our limits to celebrate how they empower us.

Cheers, Wintson

Following My Path

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self AwarenessLeave a comment

Job hunting sucks.  It’s one of my least favorite things to do.  Sadly, at this point, it’s also unavoidable.  One of the things I don’t like about it, is trying to figure out what the heck I’m going to do.  I don’t have a degree or even a diploma.  In today’s job market, that’s kind of limiting.  So I was thinking about talking to Employment Insurance about education and training programs.  It feels like the right time to take things in a new direction.

Today when I got home from work, my wife and I were talking about my options.  We had been discussing the possibility of getting more training and I was just waiting for Tuesday (after the long weekend) to call Second Career and find out what my options are going to be.  Second Career is a provincial program that provides education and skills training to laid off workers.  Sinnce that’s what I’m going to be soon, it seemed like it could be an option.  Now, we’ve had a rethink.

She isn’t convinced that I’m ready to fully commit to school and that I’m considering it for the wrong reasons.  She’s almost right, but not quite.  Going back to school isn’t at the top of my good times list, but I do want to improve my education and learn new skills.  I’m not pumped about school, but it’s a step towards doing things that are on that good times list.

During the conversation I mentioned a seasonal opportunity that I’ve probably got a pretty good shot at in retail/customer service.  She said she’d rather I take that until after the holidays.  Take some time to think about where I want to go.  Because she loves me, she’d rather see me do something I enjoy than just something I should.  Since I heard about the job opportunity, I’ve actually been thinking about doing both.  The job will probably be part time, so there’s no reason not to see what options EI/Second Career can offer me.  Maybe it will give me the chance to do what I love while learnning to do it better.

After we finished the conversation, we went back to what we were doing  on our respective laptops.  In my case, that meant doing this post.  Unnfortuately, I had no idea what I wanted to say.  I started writing, but it was even more disorganized than yesterday.  So went surfing for some inspiration.  I stumbled on a commmencement address Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University (you can watch it here: http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html )  .  It was the definintion of serendipity.

He may have been addressing the graduates at Stanford, but he was speaking to me.  He talked about how being fired from Apple years ago had given him the freedom to innovate and re-invent himself.  Then, he tallked about the importannce of doing what you love.  During this time, he developed the concepts which would define Apple’s ressurgence after he was rehired.  It addressed everything we had been talking about in a manner which resonnated strongly with me.

I appears that Mr. Jobs has built himself a time machine, traveled into the future and bugged my livingroom just to get some material for a commencement address at Stanford.  I might have thought it a tad excessive, except that I’m starting to understand about writer’s block.  Some days, it might be easier to build a time machine than to do the next post for my blog.

On the other hand, he might have done all of that just so he could give me a bit of guidance when I needed it.  If so, thank you Steve.  Your timing was impeccable.

Nothing is carved in stone.  I’m going to take a resume and apply for the customer service position.  If I get it, then I can start looking at education opportunities.  These are steps on a path.  I may not know where that path will lead, but I understand better how I want to shape it.  I choose to do what I’m passionate about, and I do it with the loving support of my wife.  It may not, in fact problably won’t go the way I imagine it.  At least I will have given myself the chance.  That’s not such a bad gift, is it?

Cheers, Winston

Scary Movies, Christians, Politicians, Labels and Shorthand

On By WinstonIn Humor, Self Awareness, SocietyLeave a comment

Here I am once again trying to decide what to write for the day.  While I was at work, I had this great idea about the ethics of the situation with Blockbuster, but franklly, I’m just don’t have anything new to say about that.  Once the court hands down it’s ruling and we know what’s happening, then I’m certain to have more to say.

I thought about doing something political, but I’m not sure I could do that without being ill today.  That much sleaze just might be too much for me.  So no poliitical stuff.  Besides, I forgot my phone today and my daughter took it with her to Birthday Party 2.0.  Without all my different news apps, I might have to actually surf and stuff.  That seems like way too much trouble.

Which brings back where I started.  What to write?  What to write?  Hmmmmmm……  What to write?

Too much of that, and people are goinng to start thinking about Jack in the “The Shining”.  Speaking of “The Shining”, now I know what I’m going to write about.  Apparently there’s something to that “stream of consciousness” stuff.  I always thought it sounded too easy to be real.  Turns out, it’s not much more than typing while my mind wanders.  Basicaly, my natural state, but with typing added.  Where was I…?

Ah yes,  “The Shining”.  Contrary to what you’re probably thinking, this isn’t going to be a review.  It’s actually about something from work.  Maybe also something about people needing to be told what to think.  That last bit might be a bit more ambitious than I am right now.  To put that in perspective, there are damp sponges with more ambition (but less bacteria) than I seem to possess at the moment.  Darn!  Apparently the stream of my consciousness meanders quite a bit.  Where was I…..?

Ah yes, “The Shining”.  Today at work, a customer asked me to help him find a scary movie.  Pretty exciting story so far eh?  I asked him to tell me the scariest movie he had seen recently and he didn’t have a clue.  So I asked him to tell me what kind of scary movie he likes.  Does he like ghosts, slashers, fauxcumentaries, gory, creepy etc.  He didn’t have a clue.

I can already hear some of you saying, “What do you expect from someone who watches scary movies?”  Save your breath.  It’s the same for any other genre you can think of.  Even the nice people who insist on only watching “films” and would never deign to watch a mere movie ask me for the best film.  They don’t have any more of a clue than the scary movie guy.  That’s what happens when you think in terms of groups instead of individuals.

You see, it’s like this.  The group Scary Movies includes The Exorcist and Drag Me To Hell.  The group Films, includes Winter’s Bone and Rubber.  Belonging to a group doesn’t mean that all of the qualities of the members are shared, only the single characteristic that identifies the grouup.    To illustrate, The Exorcist is creepy, gory, atomsopheric, well written, brilliantly directed and has a stellar cast including Max Von Sydow.  Drag Me To Hell on the other hand is creepy, gory, atmospheric, well written, brilliantly directed and has a stellar cast.  Both belong to the Scary Movies group.  This is true of many things in various groups.

Mother Theresa and Warren Jeffs both belong to the group Christians.  Rick Perry and Mahatma Ghandi belong to the group, Reiligiously Inspired Political Leaders.  The list could go on.  I think I made my point here though.  If you want help finding a scary movie, it helps if you know what scares you.  If you’re looking for Mother Theresa, don’t ask for Religiously Inspired Political Leaders.  Warren Jeffs may not provide the same experience.

It’s something I do myself.  I ask people for their opinions all the time.  The secret is, I understand that just because several people told me that Paraormal Activity is the scariest movie ever, doesn’t mean it will be for me.  It just helps me guage what to give them when they ask for a Scary Movie.  The truth is Scary Movie is just a label.  The label isn’t the thing.  The label isn’t scary, the movies are scary.  That’s my great breakthrough for the day.  What I put in the group Scary Movies may not be the same as someone else’s group.  Each person’s group is valid for them.

So here’s my point.  The contents of the group aren’t the problem.  The problem is our label.  Instead of Scary Movies, we should use something more like, Winston Lake’s Scary Movie List.  Then I could have something to compare to Jane Doe’s Scary Movie List.  Comparing those list’s would give me a better idea what to reccomend.  Just using  Scary Movies is too broad.  Saying Christian, or Politician or any other broad generic label isn’t really saying anything at all.

The label isn’t the thing, but the greater the resemblance, the more useful the label.  People use labels as a shorthand to describe the world around them.  It’s only when we want to share our world that we understand the problem.  Each of us uses our own shorthand.  Any similarities are purely coincidental.

My Important Things

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self AwarenessLeave a comment

What are the important things in life?  This is a question I occaissionally give some thought to.  The fact is, the answer is different for everyone.  I believe that there are some things which are more or less universal.

Hope is esssential, for without it, there can be only despair.  Hope fuels dreams and builds the future.  It makes hardship bearable and gives strength to the oppressed.

Belief is required, for hope is it’s hostage.  Hope is meaningless if you don’t believe it.   Belief is the engine fueled by hope.  A dream cannot become the future if the dreamer doesn’t  believe it.  You cannot make any change if you don’t  believe you can.  No good thing could ever have happened if it was not believed in.

Trust is the seed from which grows friendship and love.  Without trust, one is forever alone.  No matter how many people surround you, if there is no trust, there can be no companionship.  To be trusted is to recieve the greatest of compliments.  To give trust is to trust yourself.  Trusting yourself is the key to acheiving your dreams.  It doesn’t guarantee success, but not trusting yourself guarantees failure.

Love is both the source and the outcome of all these.  Without love, there can be no fulfillment  Every good thing comes from love of others.  Love is the very essence of hope, belief and trust.  It is the best of everything we are.

For me, there is one more essential.  Humour.  Whenever I have lost hope and and believed I could not trust to love, I have always gotten through with humour.  Some of it may be dark or in poor taste, but it is a way for me to cope when I have no other.    They say that feeling pain lets you know you’re alive.  Being able to laugh even when you’re in pain lets you know why you’re aliive.  Humour is a way of looking at things we cannot face.  Laughter is a medecine for the soul.

This list is far from complete.  These are my essentials, and invite everyone to share theirs.

Cheers, Winston

Short Thought For The Day

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self AwarenessLeave a comment

The trouble with second guessing yourself… It’s still just guessing. It may be an educated guess, or it may be uneducated. If it’s not guaranteed, it’s still a guess. Besides, if you aren’t happy with your first one, there’s no reason to expect your second guess to be any better. It’s often a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.

Just something to think about.

Cheers, Winston

The Penguin And The Snake: a fable about self-acceptance

On By WinstonIn Self Awareness, Uncategorized3 Comments

If penguins are flightless birds, are snakes walkless reptiles?

The Penguin’s Parable:
“I cried because I could not fly, until I met a reptile who could not walk.”

Once upon a time, there was a penguin who was very sad that he could not fly. This sadness preyed on his mind so much that he decided to travel the world until he learned to fly.
During his journey, he encountered all kinds of amazing creatures. He sought out every sort of flying creature from the mightiest condor to the tiniest insect, but none could teach him to fly. When he realized that no one could teach him to fly, he collapsed in despair and wept bitter tears.
As he lay there, he saw a snake sunning itself on a nearby rock. Because he had spent all of his time talking to flying creatures, he had never seen a snake before. As he watched, the snake uncurled itself. To his amazement, he saw it had no legs.
“Excuse me.” said the penguin. “I have never seen a creature like you before. What are you?”
“I am a snake.” replied the snake. “I’ve never met a creature like you either. What are you?”
“I am a penguin. I’ve travelled a very long way to learn how to fly, but I’ve failed.”. Saying this, the penguin began to cry again.
“I am sorry that you are so sad,” said the snake soothingly to his new acquaintance, “but why do you want to learn to fly?”
“I’m a bird.” sobbed the penguin. “Almost all the other birds can fly, so I want to fly too.”
The snake was puzzled. “I still don’t understand. I am a reptile, and all the other reptiles have legs, but snakes don’t. I never thought of spending my life trying to get legs from other reptiles.”
The penguin’s crying slowed as he thought about what the snake had said. He thought about the friends and family he hadn’t seen in so many years. He thought of all the time he had wasted being unhappy with who he was, and realized the snake was right.
“Thank you my friend.” he said to the snake. “You’ve given me the answer to my problem!”
The snake was even more puzzled. “I’ve taught you to fly?” he asked.
“Even better!” exclaimed the penguin excitedly. “You’ve taught me how to not fly!”
Seeing the look on his new friend’s face, the penguin explained. “All these years, I’ve been thinking of myself as a bird first instead of a penguin. If I could fly like all the other birds, I couldn’t be a penguin anymore and then I would never see my family and friends or my home ever again.”
The penguin thanked the snake and hurried home to make up for all the time he had wasted.
As the snake curled up in the sun he thought, “If I could walk like that penguin, I might travel the world looking for legs.” but he didn’t. Instead, he slept in the sun and dreamt of flying.

The End

Why did the penguin walk across the road?
Flightless bird. Remember?

Why did the snake slither across the road?
To make his friend the penguin feel better about the flight thing.

Cheers, Winston

A Bad Habit Of Mine

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self Awareness4 Comments

When I discuss things I feel strongly about I often turn conversations into lectures. Anyone who knows me personally probably just said, “Really? No!” in a very sarcastic manner. It’s okay if they did, because I deserve it. Anyone who has read some of my other posts may have noticed it too. Too often, I speak or write in absolutes. I use “is”, “are” and “am”, instead of “might, “may” or “feel”. I’ve struggled for years to change, but it’s still an issue.

Why am writing about it now? A couple of days ago I wrote a post about Beluga whales, navel gazing and using this blog as a tool for personal growth. Then I went back to the commentary type stuff I enjoy writing. Today I was reminded of the need for some more growth.

My wife and I were out walking our dog and stopped to chat with some neighbors. The topic of Internet piracy came up. I gave my views. They gave their views. That should have been the end of it, but I couldn’t let it go. I broke out a lecture supporting my view. There were a couple of other points where I turned an enjoyable conversation into a lecture. Not many people enjoy being lectured. I know that, but I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

When we got home, Lynn told me what I needed to hear. Gently and with great care not to hurt my feelings, she told me what I had done. She worries that people who don’t know me will judge me by that one conversation. It hurts her to see people turn away without the chance to see the better parts of me.

I realized I’ve been doing the same thing here in this blog. Instead of trying to create a dialogue, I give my lecture on a subject and move on. That isn’t my intent, but in reading through my posts with fresh eyes, that’s certainly the feeling in some of them. I don’t see it when I’m writing, but now that I’m looking for it, I do. Instead of writing the beginning of the conversation I want to have with the reader, I’ve been writing conclusions.

Sometimes, I forget that a conversation has two sides. Sometimes, I sound (or read, as the case may be) like I think I have all the answers, even though I know I don’t. And sometimes, I’m just an obnoxious jackass.

I’m still going to post about the things that interest me. I’m just going to try to watch the absolutes. I want to create space for dialogue, instead of a big empty lecture hall with just the sound of my own opinions. Most of all, I want to stop letting the obnoxious jackass write my posts. If I can do that, maybe I can stop him talking to my neighbors.

If you see anything that looks like it was written by that guy could you let me know?

Cheers. Winston