Viva La Gun!

On By WinstonIn Global Issues, Politics, Pop Culture, Rants, Society, Uncategorized, ValuesLeave a comment

Dear Crazy NRA Spokesperson. Rather than placing armed guards in every school in the country, I’ve come up with an even better plan. At first glance, it might seem “a little out there”, but once you think it over in sure you’ll like it.

Why don’t we just arm the students. Paying police, or hiring and training armed security for all those schools would be cost prohibitive. Let’s cut out the middleman and put the guns where they belong.

There’s no reason these kids shouldn’t be learning how to defend themselves. Judging by some of the youth-oriented shooting competitions, it’s never too early to start training them.

I realize that some bleeding-heart liberal types are going to whine and complain… let ’em. It’s their ultra-violent video games and movies that have laid the foundation for this.

Violent media have already turned them into killers in waiting, why let all that potential go to waste? I mean really small caliber handguns are tailor made for young hands. Let the junior killers sort out the senior ones.

We save a ton of money on security. We get more guns into schools, and we make a boatload of cash for gun manufacturers and retailers. Seems like a sweet deal to me.

So Wayne… Let me know what you think. I figure this plan may just be psychotically delusional enough to appeal to you. It may be a tad whimsical and cheery for you, but we can work out the details.

Viva La Gun!

Cheers, Winston

Mr. Fischer, Mr. Huckabee, This Means You

On By WinstonIn Education, Media, Politics, Religion, Society, Uncategorized, Values1 Comment

Bryan Fischer, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee and those like them have no clue how Christianity works. I’ll tell you why I say that. These are the people trying to link the Sandy Hook shootings to a lack of prayer in schools. That’s just plain stupid.

Anyone who actually takes the time to look at the Bible knows the only place Jesus needs an invitation to is a persons heart. It doesn’t say you have to pray in school, or at work, or on TV. In fact, it says quite the opposite. Jesus himself is quoted instructing his followers not to make a big public display of their faith, rather to keep their prayers private and just between them and God.

As for Mr Fischer claiming that we’ve “kicked God out of our schools”. That’s not really possible. You see God doesn’t live in our schools, or offices or even our churches. God lives in our hearts. Where ever there is someone who believes in God, God is there. You can drop a person in the deepest, darkest hole there is and carve “NO GOD ALLOWED” in ten foot high letters on every surface. If that person believes, God will be in there with them.

So Mr. Fischer, Mr. Huckabee and all those like them need to understand this. The children and staff at Sandy Hook Elementary didn’t die because they didn’t pray in class that morning. They died because a disturbed person had too easy access to guns. Not everyone believes what you do (which is a good thing in your case) so they may not want their children subjected to your beliefs every morning. They have that right.

Please stop trying to use this horrible crime to score cheap points with your fan base. Those who died were actual people, not pawns in your twisted game of religious extremism. Contrary to your nasty little delusions, you can’t kick God out of anyone else’s life. You can only kick him out of your own by being vile, self-serving, scumbags.

Mr. Fischer, Mr. Huckabee thus means you.

Cheers, Winston

Shut Up And Fix It

On By WinstonIn Media, Movies, Personal Responsibility, Politics, Pop Culture, Society, Uncategorized, Values, Video GamesLeave a comment

It took a week, but the NRA (National Rifle Association) has finally decided how to respond to the Newtown, Connecticut shooting. According to them, it had nothing to do with the shooters ease of access to high capacity semi-automatic weapons. Of course not. It was his exposure to violent video games and movies.

We know this is true because it’s the argument that gets trotted out every time people don’t want to look at a real problem. It is always pop-cultures fault. When I was younger, it was role playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons which were “to blame”. Clint Eastwood movies were a horrible influence and sure to have us shooting each other with wild abandon.

Unfortunately for the NRA and those like them, (but fortunately for the rest of us) that’s not how it works. It’s not a simple case of “Money See, Monkey Do”. Anyone without a severe mental health issue is more than capable of separating what they see on the screen from the world around them. If they can’t, it’s a failure of their parents and society as a whole, not just the media.

I’m going to keep this one short today, so I’ll cut to the chase. If that young man’s mother hadn’t taken him to the range and kept multiple, easily accessible firearms in her home, she and the other victims killed by her son would still be alive. The NRA and their supporters can scream their lungs out saying it isn’t so, but I have one irrefutable piece of evidence to the contrary…. Canada.

We play violent video games. We watch countless hours of violent movies and television. Year somehow, we have a relatively small number of mass shootings. Are we somehow magically immune to the corrupting influence of the vile media filth in which we are immersed? No, there’s a much simpler answer. When we get angry, we can’t simply open the sock drawer, pull out a couple of high capacity pistols and start blasting.

So to the NRA and everyone else who has jumped on the entertainment industry bashing band wagon, there’s your cold hard proof. It’s not violent media, it’sĀ  guns that are problem. Now shut up and fix it.

Cheers, Winston

It’s Illegal Stupid!

On By WinstonIn Discrimation, Global Issues, Personal Responsibility, Politics, Religion, Society, Uncategorized, ValuesLeave a comment

The ACLJ (American Center for Law and Justice) wants everyone to sign its petition demanding that Iran free Pastor Saeed Abedini. Mr Abedini is a former Muslim who converted to Christianity and went on to become an ordained minister with the American Evangelist Association. He also became an American citizen through his marriage to an American woman.

Because Isam is the state religion of Iran, it is illegal to preach any other faith there. Very illegal. Pastor Abedini is in jail in Iran for working with an underground Christian group there. Now the ACJL are up in arms demanding his release. They are also demanding that the U.N., the U.S. State Department and everyone else also demand his release.

I’m not sure what grounds they have for demanding his release other than him being an American. Oh yeah… he’s a Christian spreading the word amongst the unbelievers. That makes him a big deal to the ACLJ. You see they are the legal arm of the empire of rabidly anti-gay, failed politician and televangelist Pat Robertson.

What does the ACLJ get up to when not attempting to rewrite the Iranian legal code? They fight against equivalent to spouse benefits for same-sex couples. They fight to keep prayer in schools (specifically Christian prayers). The ACLJ supports the funding of faith-based social services, religious proclamations in the public domain, and often equates religious expression with patriotism. ACLJ strongly opposes the right to legal, safe abortion and provides legal help to pro-life protesters who harass women seeking reproductive services. You get the idea.

So of course they’re outraged that Iran had the temerity to lock the nice Pastor up for spreading the Gospels. One somehow doubts they would have been so outraged had he been proselytizing the joys of the Hindu faith. More to the point, I don’t think anyone should be surprised or outraged by this. It’s not like that law is any kind of secret. Especially for Pastor Abedini… He’s Iranian by birth.
He traveled to Iran with the express intent of breaking their laws. He was arrested and put in jail. What about this is surprising to anyone? How is this anyone’s problem except for the pastor, his family and friends? Should Iran embrace religious freedom? That’s up to them, not the rest of the world. It’s certainly not up to Pat Robertson and his legal goonsquad.

To all those who are outraged that he was arrested for spreading Christianity in Iran there’s just one thing to remember…. It’s Illegal Stupid!

Cheers, Winston

Science On The Internet

On By WinstonIn Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Science, UncategorizedLeave a comment

If you’ve ever gone online, you’ve most likely encountered what I like to think of as Internet Science. I’m not talking about real science that actually makes the internet possible. I’m talking about the weird and special things you can find masquerading as science online.

Among the most conspicuous, are the ads featuring “One weird old secret for a flat tummy” or “Plastic surgeons hate her… 58 year old woman looks 28… here’s her secret”… and of course the millions of ads promising to make any guys penis the envy of large horses everywhere.

This was all triggered by a friend of mine who may have had pink eye. They were trying to figure out how they contracted it and said… “You can only get it by kissing someone who has it or by someone farting on your pillow.” When I finally stopped laughing and caught my breath, I told them that’s not how you catch pink-eye. “But I saw it on this site online!” After more laughing I directed them to an actual reputable wibsite which listed how you really get pink eye. (Bacterial infection, not pillow farts)

Then I experienced Internet Science for myself. Now my eyes are open, my life is changed and I will share this simple secret with everyone. Or at least the people who read this blog.

I have diabetes, so I have to regularly monitor my blood sugar. The lower the better. Last month my sugar level was around 21 (healthy is 4-7) so I’ve been working to get it under control. Yesterday, I worked a 14hr day with only breakfast. Going that long without eating usually drives my sugars crazy, but before my really late supper, they were only at 12.4. Yay for progress. To celebrate this success, I ate three mince tarts for supper knowing full well my sugars would be high this moring.

When I checked them before breakfast I got a 12.2. This is where the cool internet science kicks in. Because I had mince tarts before bed and my sugar was 0.2 lower this morning, it’s obvious that mince tarts lower blood sugar! Forget actual medicine prescribed by doctors. That’s all just a scam by the big drug companies to get money from you. Mince tarts cost only a fraction of what you’re paying every month for pills and needles.

As I just demonstrated, this is a PROVEN technique to fight high blood sugars. You can thank me later. (If you’re still around) Not only will this save you money, but you also get to eat yummy, yummy mince tarts. (You can thank me for that too.)

Now you understand how this works, you too can share the wonder of Science on the Internet.

Cheers, Winston

Disclaimer: This is not real science. If you have diabetes PLEASE continue taking any prescribed medication and do not eat yummy, yummy mince tarts to lower your sugars. This article is intended as satire only. Contrary to the wisdom of the internet, this is NOT science.

W

Here’s Why The World May End On The 21st

On By WinstonIn Personal Responsibility, Pop Culture, Psychology, Society, Uncategorized, Values2 Comments

I’m not a “Mayan Doomsday” believer. I just think there are some limits to how far a joke can go before the Universe hits “RESET”. If the following story isn’t a sign of the end times, it really should be.

According to this article on oregonlive.com two boys aged 11 and 7 attempted to carjack a woman in the parking lot of a local church. Police responded to a call from a woman saying that her son had seen a gun in possesion of another young boy. When Police arrived, the boys bolted, but were caught beside the church. Despite being told by police to keep his hands out of his pockets, the older boy attempted to reach the gun but was prevented by the officers. Police recovered a loaded and cocked pistol from the older boy.

Because the boys are too young for jevenile detention, they were released to the custody of their parents. That’s obviously the best thing because it’s worked well so far. I’m not saying they’re bad parents. I don’t know them, or their parenting abilities. What I do know is that whatever they’re doing so far isn’t working. But hey, let’s drop them back there anyway. As soon as he was dropped off at home, the 11 year old ran off, but was quickly caught and returned to his parents. Good luck with that.

Why you may wonder would a couple of boys that young try their hands at carjacking? Personally, I think that part of the answer lies in the total lack of anything like a consequence. They can’t be detained. They can’t be charged. They’re basically walking, talking teflon. Nothing they do is going to stick to them. So let’s ship them home and wait for the story about a “random” shooting in Portland.

These kids shouldn’t be roaming around loose. They should be in a mental health facility pending a full psych evaluation and some extensive and ongoing rehabilitation. I know it’s officially terrible to talk about committing such young children to that type of facility, but they obviously represent a clear and present danger to the community around them. I”d sooner lock up a couple of alleged innocents rather than wait for them to start killing people.

We live in a world where young children will give carjacking a try and then when they do, we just cut them loose and send them home. This is only partly about gun control (there is still some question as to where they got the gun), it is more about self control and what we aren’t teaching our young people. We aren’t teaching them to respect others, or themselves. We aren’t teaching them to work for what they want. It’s a culture of “I want what I want and I want it now and I don’t care what it costs as long as I’m not paying for it.”

By letting these boys walk away from an attempted carjacking, we’re just reinforcing the idea that they can take what they want without paying for it. I may be wrong, but I don’t think that’s an idea we should be encouraging.

I don’t know how far we can go with this before the universe voids our reality check. That’s why the world may end on the 21st.

Cheers, Winston

“Public Admonishment” Should Be Public Firing

On By WinstonIn Politics, Rants, Society, Uncategorized, Values1 Comment

Superior Court Judge Derek Johnson has been “publicly admonished”. Why? Because the California Commission on Judicial Performance is apparently just too weak and useless to fire him.

You may now be wondering why I bear such animosity toward a person I’ve never met. Allow me to explain. During the sentencing hearing of a convicted rapist, the Dishonorable Judge Johnson made the following declaration: “I’m not a gynecologist, but I can tell you something: If someone doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse, the body shuts down. The body will not permit that to happen unless a lot of damage is inflicted, and we heard nothing about that in this case,”

Not only is this cretin not a gynecologic, he’s not a doctor. Nor does he possess any medical training. In short, he’s talking out his ass. More to the point, he was talking out his mass while explaining why said convicted rapist should only serve six years instead of the sixteen the prosecutor was seeking. According to Johnson, that’s what the case was “worth”. This despite the defendant having threatened to mutilate the victims face and vaginal with a heated screwdriver and beaten her with a metal Baton before raping her.

Don’t get me wrong here. Judge Derek is absolutely entitled to his opinion no matter how vile and wrong-headed it may be. He is not entitled to express it or use it as the basis of his ruling in a court of law. The judges are supposed to be impartial their rulings based on evidence and precedence. They aren’t supposed to go spewing whatever uninformed idiocy pops into their heads. Far more importantly, they shouldn’t base their sentencing judgements on it.

Let me clear about one more thing. I don’t want him removed from the bench purely as punishment for being an idiot. There is a far more pertinent and important reason. No matter what he does or says from this point forward, no victim of sexual assault will ever feel an reasonable expectation of justice in his courtroom again.

That’s why pubic Admonishment should be public firing.

Cheers, Winston

Dr Ablow Needs His Head Examined

On By WinstonIn Personal Responsibility, Politics, Psychology, Rants, Society, Uncategorized, Values3 Comments

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist and a member of the “Fox News Medical A Team”. Despite that rather embarrassing affliction, he still feels qualified to offer the following advice to people. “Instead of getting a divorce, try a consorce.” Even though there’s no such word as consorce.

If the word did exist, the “good” doctor assures us it would mean something like this…. Don’t get a messy, expensive, painful divorce. It will be nasty for you and terrible for your children. What you need is a (made up word).

The consorce works like this. The couple agrees to continue living together as friends as friends and partners in child-rearing. They are to accept that the “romantic” phase of their relationship has ended and they should see this as an opportunity to strengthen their “platonic” relationship.

The following is a direct quote from Dr Reallystrangelove’s Guide To Consorce… “Why not just stay in the same house, continue to work together financially for the good of the family, and, perhaps sleep in the same room (without sexual contact expected by either individual)? original authors parentheses.

He also believes this is all in the best interests of any children involved. They have both parents in their lives full time and a greater likelihood of financial stability in the home. Ummm… Yeah… That’s what’s important… Financial stability and the business partners who make it possible.

So my first thought was that Doc KAblow is “nuttier than a squirrel turd”. (I don’t remember where I encountered that phrase, but I love the way it sounds). Then I started thinking maybe he has made it through his professional career without encountering anybody who isn’t BFFs with their spouse. After a few seconds of profound doubt, I called bull**it and chose option three.

Keith (can I call you Keith) has an agenda (the sanctity of marriage) to push and an ideology to promote. Clearly we can’t let something as arbitrary as reality get in the way. I’ve had the opportunity to observe the decline and dissolution of several marriages over the years and feel quite confident when I say I’ve never seen a single one where consorce would have been an option.

It’s pretty clear from his article here that Dr Ablow regards sex as the only real difference between marriage and consorce. Contrary to Dr. Squirrel-turd, sex is generally only a contributing factor, rather than a primary cause. The withholding of affection and decline in intimacy is more often a reflection of issues in other parts of the relationship. Where these deeper issues exist, the removal of the “romantic” component of the relationship isn’t going to resolve them.

That brings me to what is in my opinion his most egregiously stupid idea. Doctor Dumb claims that this is somehow in the best interest of the children. Sure, having both parents on hand is great. Financial stability is great. Growing up in an environment where love is sacrificed on the altar of expediency and commercial betterment… That’s not so great.

What are these hypothetical children learning about the foundation of a strong and meaningful marriage. Forget love, it’s all about financial stability, a nice house, the illusion is more important than the substance. What an utterly terrible thing to teach children! Love is the foundation of marriage not convenience. More to the point, love is the essential ingredient in a family regardless of marital status. That is by far the most important lesson we can model for our children, not some loveless partnership for the sake of a nice home.

That’s why Dr. Ablow needs his head examined.

Cheers, Winston

A Quick Personal Note

On By WinstonIn Loving Life, Personal, Uncategorized, Windows 8Leave a comment

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Those of you who follow this blog may recall I currently work at Fido selling cell phones. I recently had to spend an evening (on my day off) attending training for the launch of the new Windows 8 phones. Everyone gathered at a downtown hotel and attended presentations from Microsoft and various phone manufacturers.

I didn’t learn too much I couldn’t have picked up online, but it was a fun night out with the team. After the presentations were finished, we went upstairs to the lounge for drinks (our company wasn’t allowed to partake of the free alcohol) and socializing with people from other districts. Overall, it was a good time but I was thinking I might have preferred spending my night off at home with my family. Turns out I was wrong.

After the meeting, everyone at our company was invited to submit the top three tips we had picked up for selling the new phones. We were to submit them by email for a chance to win a new phone. I submitted my tips just to be “a team player”, then forgot about it. Until this morning.

I was doing some housework this morning when my phone buzzed. I checked it and saw a new email from work. The email listed the three winners of new phones, and much to my surprise, my name was on the list!

My new phone is on back-order, but that’s okay. It’s on its way, and that’s what counts. For the idly curious among you, it’s a Nokia Lumia 920 Windows 8 phone. VERY sweet!

Made for another bright spot in an already bright week. “The HOBBIT” last night, awesome new phone today… who knows what tomorrow might bring šŸ˜‰
Cheers, Winston

“The HOBBIT” Rules!

On By WinstonIn Film Reviews, Loving Life, Media, Movies, Pop Culture, UncategorizedLeave a comment

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My friend Jason came through for me again. I told him I planned to go see “The HOBBIT” on my birthday next week and he called a friend and hooked me up with passes to the press screening last night. (Thanks again J, you ROCK!)

I don’t do spoilers, so I won’t give away any plot points. I will say that I had some concerns going in. Chief among them the question of how to expand a single (slim) book into three movies. Asuming that the next two are the equal of this one, the answer is: brilliantly…. for the most part. There were a couple of bits I wasn’t totally on side with, but not enough to spoil the overall experience.

The much hyped 3D / 48 frames per second technology rendered the trademark visuals just that much more luscious. New Zealand is still the most beautiful star in the film. The Weta teams, both virtual and physical are once again clearly at the top of their game. Overall production quality is still astonishingly high and one expects nothing less.

I won’t say any more on it until it has been in wide release for a while. Suffice to say, I plan to see it again while it is in theaters. Then begins the long wait for part two.

Long story short… The “HOBBIT” Rules!

Cheers, Winston