Tag: Humor

SMART Goals… Maybe There’s A Different Tool For Government

On By WinstonIn Global Issues, Humor, Politics, WarfareLeave a comment

Any of you who work in a corporate environment have probably at some point encountered the S.M.A.R.T. guidelines for decision making.  The acronym stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound.  You can see why I think perhaps  the government uses something different.

Some of the most outstanding examples of this are the “Wars” the declare.  The “War on Poverty”, “War on Drugs”, and my personal favorite, the “War on Terror”.  I believe the decisions to engage in these “Wars” are based on what I like to refer to as the V.A.P.I.D. guidelines.  This stands for Vague, Abstract, Pointless, Imaginary, and Damaging.  I’ll use the “War on Terror” to illustrate my point.

For starters, declaring a “War” on “Terror” seems a tad ill defined.  Not only is it not Specific, it’s actually quite Vague. It’s going to be hard to Measure results because “Terror” isn’t a person, place or thing, it’s an Abstract concept.  Victory could be difficult to Achieve in a “War” against a concept and with “Terror” still going strong after ten years, it seems kind of Pointless.  It doesn’t seem very Realistic to try to eliminate “Terror” from the world, although that Imaginary place would probably be very nice to live in.  With no clear objectives, it makes it hard to create a definitive Ttimeline.  That same blurriness of purpose also distracts from actual issues which is incredibly Damaging.  If you work it through, you will see it’s also true for the other “Wars” I mentioned.

This inability to set appropriate goals is dangerous and unacceptable.  These are the people whom we have charged and entrusted to act on our behalf and in our best interest.  Clearly, they have not.  Clearly this needs to change.  Let’s take a look for a moment at what things might have looked like if they had instead used the S.M.A.R.T. guidelines.

Instead of a “War on Terror”, we might have had a mission statement that looked more like this.  “We will  track down and bring to trial those responsible for the attacks against the United States on Sept. 11th 2001.”  Now let’s break it down.  Is it Specific?  Yes, it clearly states what we want to do and who we want to do it to.  Is it Measurable?  Yes, by having a clear goal, we can see how close we are to reaching it.  Is it Achievable? Yes, tracking down a relatively small group of people is very doable.  Is it Realistic?  Yes, much more so than taking on “Terror”.  Is it Time-bound?  Ye,s when the last trial finishes, the job is complete.  See how much better that is?

So, next time you get get dragged to one of those corporate training sessions, bring along your MP/Congress Person/Senator/Representative.  Who knows, they might actually learn something.  If nothing else, your boss will realize how lucky they are to have you on staff instead of a politician.  That could be just what you need to hold onto your job.

Cheers, Winston

Why Dog’s Love Car Rides

On By WinstonIn Humor, Personal2 Comments

Last night while driving to my trailer, I realized why dogs like car rides so much. Here’s my theory.

Normally if a dog wants to experience new things, it has to get off the couch and walk around sniffing stuff. The more new things it wants to experience, the further it has to walk. Now I can’t speak for every dog, but mine has times he’d rather just sit on the couch. That’s where the car ride comes in, he gets all the smells without all the work.

A car ride is like the Internet for dogs. He gets to sit in one spot and let the world come to him. Like the Internet, he doesn’t get the full experience of the world around him, but he doesn’t have time to get bored with any of it either. When he’s had all of the world he can handle, he takes a nap without leaving his seat. Just like surfing the net at work.

What really clinched it for me was his reaction when we stopped to eat. Instead of wanting part of our supper, he was restless and fidgeted the whole time. It’s the same thing I do when I get a lousy signal on my iPhone and have to wait forever for a page to load off the Internet.

Now you know why your dog gets so excited about going for car rides. Remember though. If you drive past a dog breeder, the smells are like Internet porn for dogs. You’ve been warned.

Cheers, Winston

p.s. If you have a cat, it probably doesn’t like car rides as much. That’s because cat’s don’t care about the rest of the world. The only part they’re interested in is the part that contains them. Besides, they get their cat porn on the real Internet while you’re out.

W

Lighter Thoughts

On By WinstonIn Humor1 Comment

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, should it get a panic button in case it happens again?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, are the protesters away at a press conference?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, are the chainsaws too loud?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it still feel bad for swearing?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, did it really fall, or is it making it up to get attention?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, will the government appoint a special commission into declining social involvement in our woodland communities?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, should they turn their iPods down?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, can the tree sue the forest ranger for negligence?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, is it a super secret new stealth tree?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, will it’s insurance still pay?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, was the gunfire too loud during hunting season?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, what’s everyone trying to hide?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, can you catch it later on YouTube?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, will someone still blog about it?

If this made you smile, thank my wife. It was her idea that I take a break from my usual stuff and spread my blogging wings. If you hated it, blame the writer.

Either way, I hope you have a great day.

Cheers, Winston