Tag: personal

NaPoWriMo Day 19

On By WinstonIn Dark / Gothic, Lovecraftian, Lovecraftian Poetry, Macabre, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Old Gods and Magic Folk, Poetry, The Old WaysLeave a comment

Another literary world of which I am a fan is that created primarily by H.P. Lovecraft and a number of his contemporaries. Commonly known as the Cthulu Mythos, it began in 1919 and continues to be added to in literature and film to this day. Here is my offering to the Great Old Ones. Enjoy

My Last Free Will

Great ancient ones from far beyond,

This world that we know,

They call to me and will not stop,

As slowly mad I go.

They seek the key. Am I a key?

Is that a thing they said?

Or are the voices only here,

Inside my rotting head?

No wait! The speak again to me,

From this I cannot run,

From this asylum I’ll be freed,

For them I’ll wreak such fun.

I have been locked up here for months,

For things I have not done,

Then when you see my real work,

Know I was not the one.

I can’t! I won’t! I know this is,

Not who I’d truly be,

They’ve twisted, broken, swallowed whole,

The soul inside of me.

Sedate me please and bring more guards,

To stand outside my cell,

If they succeed and I run free,

This place will turn to hell.

It is on chaos that they thrive,

Their food our misery,

They would use me to cut a door,

From their dark void set free.

They show me visions of their dreams,

Of all that I might do,

In my nightmares, I glory there,

Skin flayed and blades pierced through.

They think me lost, bereft of will,

Abandoned to my fate,

That I am just a key they’ve shaped,

To break that eldritch gate.

But I’m still here, I write this note,

How do you know it’s me?

If you’re alive and reading this.

I’m dead they are not free.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 18

On By WinstonIn Courage, Patience and Hope, Humor, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Perseverence, Personal, Poetry, Sorry for the Chaos, writer`s blockLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again when I have no idea what I’m going to write about. As always, I shall deal with this by writing about not knowing what to write about. Enjoy!

A Verse About Nothing To Write About

Each year it seems I hit this point,

I’ve nothing left to say,

Any yet if I’m to meet my goal,

Must say it anyway.

The theme so far’s been personal,

I guess that this is too,

For while this block’s not good for me,

Don’t see it harming you.

Most years I try to play this game,

And thirty poems write,

And every year there comes a point,

I would give up the fight.

Yet I believe if I dig deep,

There’s one more verse in there,

And so, my keyboard clacks along,

Though there are few who care.

And though I struggle, on I forge,

With rambling rhymes I strain,

To once again wade through the swamp,

Of my fermenting brain.

I’ll hit that point, but not today,

My well of words run dry,

In that moment I’ll pack it in,

Keep typing now just try.

I cannot promise quality,

These words barely connect,

A deeper, moving meaning is,

Just too much to expect.

But look at this I’ve pulled it off,

Now one more verse is done,

Tomorrow is another day,

To write another one.

But for today, I’ve managed this,

Have earned a bit of peace,

Now time to seek my pillow and,

Oblivion’s release.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 17

On By WinstonIn Books, Friends I've Never Met, Loving Life, Movies, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, thank you, WritersLeave a comment

Being off work at the moment, and unable to do much, I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands. So I’ve been reading, watching movies, watching documentaries and…. reading some more. This poem is about that. Enjoy

Friends I’ve Never Met

I’d like to say a thank you to,

Some friends I’ve never met,

They’ve made my life so much richer,

I never will forget.

They’ve shown me ten million sights,

Where I will never go,

They’ve taught me things, that without them,

I’d have no chance to know.

I’ve read a ton of books or two,

Watched movies by the score,

Read comic books, and magazines,

And blogs and so much more.

The friends I’ve mentioned, have you guessed,

Whose words have led me here,

The storytellers of the world,

Who raise their voices clear.

Through fiction and non-fiction works,

They seek to strike that spark,

Their stories brightening the world,

Like lanterns in the dark.

And my life they have brightened so,

When greatest was my need,

I’d turn to them, beloved friends,

Get lost in what I’d read.

So now in turn I write this verse,

To emulate their deeds,

‘Tis but a weed amongst the dross,

Grown from such noble seeds.

All who create are each a part,

Of one great tapestry,

And though I have no famous name,

This bit was made by me.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 16

On By WinstonIn Ducky, family, Love, Loving Life, my blessed life, my Dog, My Perfect Dog, NaPoWriMo, Personal, PoetryLeave a comment

Ducky really is the perfect dog for us. He is super chill and laid back. He isn’t perfect, but then neither are we. I guess that’s what makes us all perfect together! Enjoy!

Ducky

I have a little puppy who,

Is my best friend no doubt,

Whenever I am doing things,

He follows me about.

He’s seven now and when most look,

A “dog” is all they see,

But in my heart he’s evergreen,

Will always “puppy” be.

He is a lover not a fighter,

But still he loves his bark,

Loves walks to go see all his friends,

And chillin’ at the park.

He loves his food and loves his treats,

Would sure love our food too,

Sadly, he’s a little thick,

Less food’s what we must do.

For we want him to stay with us,

Just as long as he can,

And sometimes that means less is more,

My puppy’s meal plan.

It’s not just me my puppy loves,

He loves his Mommy too,

She is the Sun and Moon for him,

When she’s out he’s so blue.

When she comes back, then stand aside,

Best not get in his way,

For when he sees his Mommy’s home,

It just makes his whole day!

Yes, Ducky is our perfect pup,

So blessed to share his time,

And he deserves much better than,

This small, imperfect rhyme.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 15

On By WinstonIn A Blessing, Embrace the Wild, Health, my blessed life, NaPoWriMo, Nature, Personal, Poetry, springLeave a comment

Last week saw me writing about a late season ice storm. Today when I walked my dog, it was in the mid-twenties (that’s the high seventies for my American friends 🙂 This poem is about the joy of Spring. It truly is my favourite time of the year. Enjoy!

Spring Poem Redux

Oh, glorious Spring, beloved time,

Bring forth your warmest green,

We’ve just survived the frozen months,

So long since you’ve been seen.

It’s not yet May heat like July,

Last week all sheathed in ice,

If I’ve a choice between the two,

The warmer one is nice.

There’s crocus blooming in my yard,

First open every spring,

A splash of brilliant colour there,

They promise everything.

While out today I heard the drone,

Of early season bees,

Again, their labour blesses us,

In gardens, farms and trees.

All nature wakes from it’s long sleep,

Anew the cycle starts,

With baby birds and animals,

And blooms to fill our hearts.

This is my favourite time of year,

Before the summer heat,

Turns untold shades of green to brown,

Such beauty down each street.

Not every day can be as sweet,

As this fine day has been,

Yet even in the wind and rain,

There’s beauty to be seen.

So, venture forth the world waits,

Just there beyond your door,

Perhaps you think you’ve seen it all,

You’ve not, there’s always more.

For nature’s vast and we are small,

And what you’ve seen has changed.

Things you had seen are not the same,

Time’s touch has rearranged.

Now in this season of the new,

Look and renew your soul,

By opening to this new growth,

Might make what’s broken whole.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 14

On By WinstonIn Bullying Yourself, Demon's In My Mind, Health, Mental Health, Mental Health is Health, My Chaotic Mind, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness, Sorry for the ChaosLeave a comment

I have suffered all my life from anxiety, stress and anger issues. Over time, I’ve learned to manage them or at least to sort of cope with them. With one thing and another, not so much lately. Today’s post is about those issues and what it’s like living with them from my side.

My Curse in Verse

I would not say I’ve bottomed out,

Just going down quite fast,

Tried so hard staying positive,

That tank’s run dry at last.

No this is not a plea for you,

To help me make it through,

‘Cause honestly there’s bugger all,

That anyone can do.

It’s just how my brain handles things,

Or doesn’t handle life,

It takes the ordinary and,

Creates chaos and strife.

Then my anxiety will spike,

My stress climbs off the chart,

And then the anger, then the guilt,

Then darkness wraps my heart.

Within my head I understand,

All the good things you’d say,

But the blackness in my heart says,

They’re not true anyway.

And there’s the rub, the crux of it,

The fact is it’s all me.

No matter what you say or do,

Sometimes it’s how I’ll be.

I cannot stand this side of me,

And that just makes it worse,

Self-loathing just like gas on flames,

To turbo-charge this curse.

But don’t feel bad that’s not the point,

Of writing out each line,

Just understand ‘til my mask cracks,

I’ll seem completely fine.

Then suddenly out of the blue,

The anger just appears,

All my defenses overwhelmed,

By my unspoken fears.

And then some thing, some tiny straw,

Will break that camel’s back,

My demons locked within set free,

My mind to now attack.

If you see rage and sorrow where,

A smile ought to be,

I promise it would make no sense,

To anyone but me.

Just know it’s me, it’s always me,

Not anything you do,

Wish when my demons torment me,

They didn’t torment you.

Ah, now they’ve wandered off again,

Must be their poker night,

I’ll take the peace and quiet and,

Try to get my head right.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 13

On By WinstonIn A Blessing, Love, Loving Life, Lynn, my angel, My Awesome Wife, my blessed life, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Relationships, thank youLeave a comment

No April would be complete without at least one poem dedicated to my incredible wife Lynn. She is inarguably the best and most incredible thing to ever happen to me! This poem is for her… Enjoy!

For My Angel

If thirty years ago you’d asked,

Me to forecast my life,

I’d not have thought to even guess,

It would include a wife.

Twenty-five years now we have shared,

Who knows how many more.

What years we have, I’ll share with you,

Our future to explore.

I love the years I’ve shared with you,

Each sweeter than the last,

The worst of them still better than,

Those in my lonely past.

I see the colours of this world,

More clearly through your eyes,

And every bit of time with you,

Wish I could memorize.

You see all that is good in me,

Help me with all the rest,

And want the world to see me as,

You do when at my best.

When I am anxious, stressed or scared,

You always understand,

It’s then you wrap me in your arms,

Sometimes just take my hand.

And slowly it all melts away,

As our love takes its place,

Your touch, your gaze, your gentle words,

All fill me with your grace.

So thank you for this life we share,

I’d never dreamed could be,

You are the greatest blessing love,

That there could be for me.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 12

On By WinstonIn diabetes, Health, My Vice of Choice, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Personal Responsibility, Poetry, Reaping What We've Sown, Self Awareness, Sugar Addict, The Bill Always Comes Due, The Choices We MakeLeave a comment

I have been living with diabetes for years now. For the last year of so, I’ve been doing much better at controlling it as I’m well aware of the potential consequences if I don’t. Dealing with other health issues and the stress of being off work, I’ve been eating my emotions lately and for me that means sugar. This poem is about that. Enjoy!

My Vice of Choice

So I have a little sweet tooth,

That runs my life for me,

Sure there’s healthy choices out there,

But sugar’s all I see.

I could resist temptation sure,

That’s so easy to say,

But when the sweets start calling me,

Best don’t get in my way.

I have heard people say some things,

Are really just too sweet,

I’m sad for them, but that’s okay,

It’s more for me to eat.

I used to smoke, and get quite drunk,

Quit for my health I’m glad,

But sugar’s still my drug of choice,

Two out of three ain’t bad.

I am a diabetic so,

My vice may court my death,

I’m like a life-long smoker who,

Lights up though short of breath.

But I’m still here so there’s still hope,

One day I may break free,

And finally beat this jones of mine,

Before my jones beats me.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 11

On By WinstonIn Extended Family,, family, Friendship, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Reaping What We've Sown, Relationships, This crew of mine, Values, Work WifeLeave a comment

I’m the deputy supervisor of my team at work and I’ve been off for a while for health reasons. During that time, several of my staff have reached out to see when I’m going to be back, or if I need any help. One of them even offered to shovel my driveway during the winter. Lately, I’ve been missing my “other” family.

My Extended Family

I have another family,

That I spend time with too,

Sometimes they drive me to the brink,

I don’t know what to do.

They have their spats as fam’lies do,

Then all tell me their woes,

What’s every side to every beef?

I am the one who knows.

All of them know that they can come,

When something’s on their mind,

While maybe I can’t fix it all,

A friendly ear they’ll find.

And when the news is something good,

I’m there to celebrate,

I build them up and help them grow,

My goal to make them great.

There’s some who don’t appreciate,

The effort that I make,

They don’t believe I really care,

Say all they see is fake.

But that’s okay, that’s how it goes,

I still treat them the same,

For in the end, we’re all one team,

All playing the same game.

I am a supervisor see,

This family my staff,

Some days they make me tear my hair,

But still find time to laugh.

If for each other, we don’t care,

Then just who will I ask,

Such kindness looks like weakness so,

Let’s focus on the task.

A rising tide lifts every boat,

And happy staff do more,

Head office thinks that’s why I fight,

To help my people soar.

The truth is I was one of them,

Before I got this spot,

I understand and so would ease,

The burden of their lot.

They’re my extended family,

For better or for worse,

As my phone rings, I’m wondering,

A blessing or a curse.

Cheers,

NaPoWriMo Day 9

On By WinstonIn Bullying, Enlightenment, Global Issues, homelessness, Loving Life, my blessed life, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness, Society, ValuesLeave a comment

Again today, I allowed my mind to wander off and write this without too much direction from me.  Sometimes it surprises me with what it comes up with.  Enjoy!

Something To Think About

As I sit down to write this verse,

My mind goes wand`ring free,

Then it returns, comes back at last,

It seems to say to me…

Closely attend and listen well,

To wisdom I did glean,

For we are blessed more than we know,

You`ll see just what I mean.

You sit here and you write these lines,

No real cares it`s true,

You are well fed, and housed and clothed,

No one is threatening you.

Sure you`ve some problems, don`t we all,

But none existential,

You may not have all that you want,

But more than essential.

I don`t say this to put you down,

Or make you feel small,

I`d only hope you`d understand,

To some, you have it all.

A spouse, a kid, a house, a dog,

And so much more than that,

You`ve never faced a winter yet,

Without a decent hat.

You`ve always had enough to eat,

Though maybe not ideal,

I know except sometimes by choice,

You`ve never missed a meal.

Sure you`ve been bullied, beaten up,

Bad actors seen your share,

You`ve never held a friend who`s shot,

Begged God in des`prate prayer.

We live in an oasis here,

So sheltered we`ve gone blind,

To so much in the world around,

It overwhelms the mind.

As my mind talked, I promised I`d,

Take some time every day,

To focus on how blessed I am,

In every single way.

Cheers,