Tag: Self-awareness

NaPoWriMo Day 25

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness, Uncategorized2 Comments

I’m posting this a little later in the day than usual. I spent my morning at the Heart Institute getting some tests done. Many of the other people there are in far worse shape than be so it served as a “Memento Mori”. It started me thinking about my eventual end, and this is what came out of it. Enjoy!

A SPARK TO MARK MY PLACE

Sometimes when I’m reminded of,

My own mortality.

I realize I’ll one day face,

The utter end of me.

I wonder where the time has gone,

Just where the years all went.

I’ve lived my life like anyone,

But was my time well spent?

Should I regret the things undone,

The chances that I’ve missed,

Or bow my head and thank the fates,

For each time I’ve been kissed?

And of the lives that I have touched,

Which ones will shed a tear?

And which will share a laugh about,

Some mem’ry they hold dear?

Why do I ask? It matters not.

When I no longer live.

As I wink out, will I believe,

I gave all I could give?

There’s more that I could do not doubt,

Before I leave this place.

Not something grand, some little thing,

To ripple through my race.

Perhaps this verse could be that thing,

That in a thousand years,

Someone may find and read these words,

Find themselves moved to tears.

But maybe not, I cannot know,

Just hope to leave a mark.

And pray some tiny spark remains,

When my own light goes dark.

Cheers, Winston

NaPoWriMo Day 24

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Self Awareness2 Comments

In my experience, each of us carries things with us that we keep locked away from those around us. If we are truly blessed, we will find someone with whom we can share almost anything…. but there’s still that one secret corner that even we don’t want to look into. Today’s poem is about that corner. Enjoy.

HIDE NO MORE

To speak the truth that’s in my heart,

To this I do aspire.

That what I write should burn without,

Reflect my inner fire.

That those who read should somehow glimpse,

The real me inside.

That words could peel off the mask,

Myself no longer hide.

For everyone of us is masked,

Lest those who judge us say.

“Behold the freak, the misfit there!”

From us then turn away.

Yes deep inside our secret hearts,

Each has some secret thing.

And each of us is sure that it,

An end to us would bring.

And so we lock that thing away,

We pray no one will ask.

And day by day that fear becomes,

Our old familiar mask.

But we cannot of these things speak,

No more could I mine write.

But when alone might whisper soft,

Deep in the darkest night.

Admit to you if no one else,

That thing within your heart.

That simple act, that honesty,

At least it is a start.

I do not care just what it is,

Behind the mask you wear.

If you accept and own your truth,

A lighter load you’ll bear.

Cheers, Winston

NaPoWriMo Day 13

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Poetry, Society, Uncategorized, Values2 Comments

Over the yers, I’ve become a huge fan of situational ethics. Mostly, questions of “right” or “wrong” boil down to one answer. It depends. That extremely grey area is the subject of today’s poem. (Before anyone tells me, yes I know that there are certain things which almost everyone now agrees are beyond the pale. Don’t feel obligated to provide examples.)

MORAL RELATIVISM

I wish I was a wiser man,

Than what I seem to be.

Then knowing what is right would come,

More easily to me.

But wisdom’s not what I possess,

So I just try to guess.

And hope the choices that I make,

Might turn out for the best.

What I’ve learned is that right and wrong,

Are never what you think.

The more you know the more they change,

Before you’ve time to blink.

To kill is wrong, this we all know,

Except for when it’s not.

For they will order us to kill,

When battles must be fought.

To steal is wrong, so we all know,

Unless it’s by the state.

Like taking land from other folks,

To make our country great.

So many more could illustrate,

The point I seek to make.

That right and wrong depend upon,

The point of view we take.

So think on this before you rush,

To judge another’s act.

Without context we cannot see,

Their truth and that’s a fact.

To understand the other one,

Give empathy a try.

Then right and wrong will matter less,

On reason more rely.

Cheers, Winston

Return of the Poet

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, Loving Life, NaPoWriMo, Personal, Self Awareness, ValuesLeave a comment

I’m actually a day late with this. I had planned a while ago to participate again in NaPoWriMo. Then totally zoned yesterday and forgot about it. Oops.

Here we go anyway!

The Return of the Poet

It’s April once again and I,

Begin to write anew.

To search throughout my cobwebbed mind,

Tell something that is true.

Those rhymes I’ve made and words I’ve spilled.

So oft upon the page.

Are scarcer and much slower found,

My brain now shows it’s age.

So here’s a truth from one who’s looked,

Unflinching at his days.

Don’t sit and wait, the time is now,

To grow, to change your ways.

For in the end with every choice,

Our soul is more defined.

So think before you speak or act,

There’s no chance to rewind .

Cheers, Winston

Personal Poetry Challenge Day Thirty-Six

On By WinstonIn Enlightenment, Personal, Personal Poetry Writing Challenge, Poetry, Self AwarenessLeave a comment

Still on the personal side.  I’ll change the tone soon.  Well as soon as the voices in my head move on.

Learning To Be….

I tell a joke I get a laugh,
I tell another joke.
I tell a joke I get a punch,
No more fun do I poke.

I try to learn from my mistakes,
Sometimes I don’t succeed,
If still I keep on trying then,
That’s some progress indeed.

I try to live a life of peace,
Hurt none who’ve hurt me not.
And as for hurts that I’ve received,
Forgave if not forgot.

Sometimes I’ve helped a stranger out,
‘Cause it was right to do.
But I’ve not helped out everyone,
There’s more that I could do.

So I’m a work that’s under way,
Will be until I die.
There is no way that I can fail,
Ask only that I try.

Cheers, Winston

Short Thought For The Day

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self AwarenessLeave a comment

The trouble with second guessing yourself… It’s still just guessing. It may be an educated guess, or it may be uneducated. If it’s not guaranteed, it’s still a guess. Besides, if you aren’t happy with your first one, there’s no reason to expect your second guess to be any better. It’s often a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.

Just something to think about.

Cheers, Winston

A Bad Habit Of Mine

On By WinstonIn Personal, Self Awareness4 Comments

When I discuss things I feel strongly about I often turn conversations into lectures. Anyone who knows me personally probably just said, “Really? No!” in a very sarcastic manner. It’s okay if they did, because I deserve it. Anyone who has read some of my other posts may have noticed it too. Too often, I speak or write in absolutes. I use “is”, “are” and “am”, instead of “might, “may” or “feel”. I’ve struggled for years to change, but it’s still an issue.

Why am writing about it now? A couple of days ago I wrote a post about Beluga whales, navel gazing and using this blog as a tool for personal growth. Then I went back to the commentary type stuff I enjoy writing. Today I was reminded of the need for some more growth.

My wife and I were out walking our dog and stopped to chat with some neighbors. The topic of Internet piracy came up. I gave my views. They gave their views. That should have been the end of it, but I couldn’t let it go. I broke out a lecture supporting my view. There were a couple of other points where I turned an enjoyable conversation into a lecture. Not many people enjoy being lectured. I know that, but I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

When we got home, Lynn told me what I needed to hear. Gently and with great care not to hurt my feelings, she told me what I had done. She worries that people who don’t know me will judge me by that one conversation. It hurts her to see people turn away without the chance to see the better parts of me.

I realized I’ve been doing the same thing here in this blog. Instead of trying to create a dialogue, I give my lecture on a subject and move on. That isn’t my intent, but in reading through my posts with fresh eyes, that’s certainly the feeling in some of them. I don’t see it when I’m writing, but now that I’m looking for it, I do. Instead of writing the beginning of the conversation I want to have with the reader, I’ve been writing conclusions.

Sometimes, I forget that a conversation has two sides. Sometimes, I sound (or read, as the case may be) like I think I have all the answers, even though I know I don’t. And sometimes, I’m just an obnoxious jackass.

I’m still going to post about the things that interest me. I’m just going to try to watch the absolutes. I want to create space for dialogue, instead of a big empty lecture hall with just the sound of my own opinions. Most of all, I want to stop letting the obnoxious jackass write my posts. If I can do that, maybe I can stop him talking to my neighbors.

If you see anything that looks like it was written by that guy could you let me know?

Cheers. Winston

A Different Personal Note

On By WinstonIn Personal, UncategorizedLeave a comment

It’s about twenty after one in the morning and I’m writing this blog. For those of you wondering where I get the time to do this so much and at such random times, I’m currently recovering from surgery. Nothing life threatening thankfully, but it still means I’m off work and not too mobile. I have no television, video games or any of my other usual distractions so I decided to start a blog to pass the time. Post surgical discomfort limits my sleep to a few hours here and there so I’ve got time to surf news sites, read other peoples blogs, and think about what I encounter in my virtual roaming.

What I’ve been thinking about this morning is, “Why do I blog?”

The free time and boredom are certainly a contributing factor, but they aren’t the whole story. The fact of the matter is that I read the news and think about it even when I don’t have this much time. Normally I share my thoughts on what I encounter with co-workers or friends. Often-times that just isn’t possible (such as when I think of something at 1:20am) so the idea gets lost in the mental clutter which is my usual head space.

This blog is a way to hold on to those thoughts for future reference. It’s a sort of personal reference library by which to observe my evolution and with any luck growth. It is also an experimental lab in which I can play with ideas and express things in different ways than I might in other venues. None of this is to say that my ideas are particularly worthy of preservation. Certainly not to anyone other than me. Having said that, another part of the appeal is of course the reaction of and interraction with others. If I get a like, or even better a comment on something I’ve written, then I get an insight into someone else’s perception of me.

To some, the whole exercise of blogging amounts to nothing more than narcissistic, navel gazing. They are what I like to call, “Perfectly entitled to their opinon.” Being overweight, blogging is probably the only comfortable way for me to see my navel, never mind gaze at it. Rather than narcissistic, I prefer to think of it as an exercise in developing self awareness through interpretive pseudo-engagement. Means the same thing, but with less negative connotations. And I don’t have to try to see my belly button.

On an extremely tangential note, all this talk of navel gazing has reminded me of my love of Beluga whales. Now to tell you how that segue makes sense. In all other whales, the vertebrae in the neck are fused limiting the mobility of the head. Not so for my friends the Belugas. The last time I was at Marineland in Niagrara Falls, Ontario, I spent a lot of time watching these beautiful white whales swimming lazily about via a large window in the side of the tank. I noticed that because of the mobility of their head, a large number of them seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time coasting along on their backs,with their heads tipped forward. They looked for all the world like they were in fact gazing at their belly buttons, or possibly thinking it was maybe time to cut back on all the seafood. One way or the other, they looked thoughtful. Then I understood. What’s going through their minds is something like this. “I wonder what those things are over there. I can see them, but when I tried to go check them out, it felt like there’s an invisible rock there. I know I can’t get there to find out, so I guess I’ll just gaze at my navel and think about it for a while.” For me that’s what navel gazing is. It’s a way of trying to understand ourselves, our world and our place in that world when it’s impossible for us to experience things directly. See, there was a point to the Belugas. Then again, Belugas are so awesome they are their own point.

I called this blog “Brain Bits To Go” because that was the best way I could think of to describe this process for me. I take a bit of what’s in my head and package it for quick, convenient consumption. Like so much else we take in, some of it will be good, like mental health food, and some of it will be the intellect slaying equivalent of two pounds of refined sugar. Unlike when we were kids, we don’t have to eat everything in front of us. This is intended as a sort of Bufffet of Ideas. Take whatever you like, or don’t partake at all. In the end, all that matters is that whatever I serve up be fresh and well prepared.

All these food analogies have made me hungry so I’m going to make myself some sandwiches. While I eat, I’m going to surf the web looking for Beluga clips.

Cheers, Winston

We Are Still Animals

On By WinstonIn SocietyLeave a comment

Something that always annoys me is to hear some atrocity described as “inhuman”. Unless it was in fact committed by a non-human, then the use of this word is always unjustified. This is the basest form of self-indulgence. We want to reassure ourselves that we could never do whatever it is. The easiest way to do this is by separating them from us by making them “inhuman”.

The simple fact of the matter is that humans are in fact multi-faceted creatures. Some do terrible things, some do great things, some will only ever do average things, but all of these things will be of human origin.

Realistically, given the prevalence of atrocity and horror in the world, it would seem more appropriate label as “inhuman” those who do great good. It would give less false comfort, but be far more accurate.

The whole issue is based on our ongoing efforts to distance ourselves from our less evolved selves. We prefer to see ourselves as one step removed from other animals. We want desperately to believe that the laws of nature don’t apply to us. We are of course deluding ourselves.

The simple fact is: we are animals. The same instincts drive us as drive every other animal. To deny this is to deny ourselves the opportunity to understand our actions. Only through understanding can we seek ways to channel those energies more constructively. Instead of pretending to be something other than we are, we should accept our animal self as a part of us.

The key is not to suppress the instinctive side of ourselves, but to chose how we will use them. One of the keys to this is realizing that everything we do is done purely for ourselves. This is not to be confused with selfishness. You could give away your every possession and devote your life to caring for lepers, there will always be your own benefit at the root of it. Selfishness and selflessness are not so much roots of actions as external measures of our self-centric behaviors.

To be self-centric is not by default to be selfish. One can amass great wealth and power at the expense of those around them and this can have obvious benefits to oneself. Conversely, one can chose to live a simple life devoted service and the well-being of others. The high regards of others and their own pleasing self image provide rewards of a very different but equally valid sort. Each path is equally valid, as are all others. The key is to accept our inner animal and then choose what type of action we will take as humans to bring it the greatest benefit.

To do anything else would truly be “inhuman”.